THE FUR-SEAL'S TOOTH CANOEMATES RAFTMATES CAMPMATES DORYMATES
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Oh, how we gloat On our table d'hôte At old Frogini's restaurant! He gives us pies. And pickled flies, And everything else we chance to want.
He gives us fruits, And candied boots, And Saratoga chips frappé, And cider green, And iced benzine, And never asks a cent of pay.
There's but one thing In all the ring You can't get at this fine hotel; All kinds or eggs, But not frogs' legs-- A fact you'd better note right well.
For if you asked Frogini for Frogs' legs, he'd take you to the door, And spite of all your fuss and roar, He'd hurl you like a pile of bricks, With many hard and fearful kicks, Into the street, and cry, "My dear, That's how we serve up frogs' legs here."
I.--When the Fourth of July is not more than a week or two off, it is well to make your preparations fittingly to celebrate the glorious Independence day, and not wait until the day itself to get ready.
II.--To enjoy thoroughly all the pleasures of the blissful anniversary, purchase a pair of tight-fitting asbestos gloves. With a pair of asbestos gloves on, you could hold the pin of a pin-wheel in your hand without getting your hand burned.
III.--Be very kind in these late June days to your uncles and your aunts and your grandmothers. When the writer was a small boy he was very kind to seven uncles, six aunts, and two grandmothers for fourteen days before the Fourth of July, with the result that the seven uncles gave him half a dollar each, the six aunts presented him with a quarter apiece, and the two grandmothers joined in presenting him with a five-dollar bill, so that on the morning of the Fourth of July he was the proud possessor of ten dollars; and ten dollars, with fire-crackers selling at the rate of ten for one cent, meant that the writer could have had 10,000 fire-crackers to set off. It must be said, however, that he set off only 5000 of them, and spent the balance on soda-water, two glasses of which, like a good boy, he gave to his two grandmothers.
IV.--When the Fourth comes do not forget to rise up at half past three in the morning. There is not much fun in setting off fire-crackers in broad daylight when everybody is wide-awake; and besides this, the big boys always start in with cannon, and if you lie in bed after half past three you are apt to miss the greatest noise of the day.