Bread is the staff of life, and, in the view of certain officers in the trenches, whose opinions we cannot of course guarantee, the life of the Staff is one long loaf.
Extracted from the report of an enthusiastic company commander after a brisk action with some tribesmen on the Indian Frontier: "The men were behaving exactly as if on ceremonial parade. They laughed and talked the whole time...." We seem to recognise that parade.
Extract from letter from an Unconscientious Slacker.
[Illustration: "DEAR LORD KITCHENER,--I am not a good walker, which prevents my joining the Infantry. As I have no experience of horses, the Cavalry is also out of the question. The Artillery I don't care for on account of the noise, and flying makes me giddy. The A.S.C. does not appeal to me, and the R.A.M.C. would entail some very unpleasant duties.
"So you had better not worry about me. Perhaps when the fine weather comes I may think about the Navy. I am rather keen on boating...."]
"We have from the first declared that should the voluntary system fail to supply the men needed to win the war and who could be spared from civil war we would accept and support it."
Unfortunately, to judge by the proceedings at the Labour Conference, the claims of civil war are very heavy.
This paragraph from "Town Topics" in _The Liverpool Echo_--
"We know that many of our men--especially the single ones, judging by the Derby figures--are sheltering behind skirts"--
"Several lady tram-conductors in the city declare they are denied the common courtesies far more by women passengers of the female gender than by men."
The insistence upon the sex of the uncivil females is necessary to distinguish them from the male civilians.
"FURNISHED house (small) wanted in Edinburgh; with ballroom, h. & c."--_Scotsman._
Hot for the chaperons and cold for the dancers.
[Thirty-nine Members voted against the Second Reading of the Military Service Bill.]
You that in civilian lobbies, While the battle-thunder rolls, Hug your little party hobbies, So to save your little souls, Treating England's deadly peril like a topic for the polls;
Half of you--the record's written-- Lately strode to Downing Street And for love of Little Britain Wallowed at the PREMIER's feet, Urging him to check the wanton waste of our superfluous Fleet.