And if this be the true Meaning of honourable Courtship, what is meant by that Jargon, that Profusion of Love and Admiration which passes for Gallantry, when either of the Parties are married? Is it not the utmost Scurrility, in that it supposes she is, or that he hopes to make her, what good Manners forbids to name? And since he makes so free with the Lady’s Honour, can she afford him a civiller Answer, than what her Footman may deliver with a Crab-tree? But I correct my self,——this might be the Air of a haughty _Roman_ Prude; our _British_ Beauties are far more Gentle and Well-bred. And he who has the same Designs upon other Mens Relations, is sometimes so civil as to bear with the Outrages offer’d to his own.
Not but that ’tis possible, and sometimes Matter of Fact, to express our selves beyond the Truth in Praise of a Person, and yet not be guilty of Flattery; but then we must Think what we Say, and Mean what we Profess. We may be so blinded by some Passion or other, especially Love, which in Civil and Good-natur’d Persons is apt to exceed, as to believe some Persons more deserving than really they are, and to pay them greater Respect and Kindness than is in Strictness due to them. But this is not the present Case; for our fine Speech-makers doat too much on themselves to have any great Passion for another. Their Eyes are commonly too much fix’d on their own Excellencies, to view another’s good Qualities through a Magnifying-Glass; at least if ever they turn that End of the Perspective towards their Neighbours, ’tis only in Respect and Reference to themselves. They are their own Centres, they find a Disproportion in every Line that does not tend thither, and in the next Visit they make, you shall hear all the fine Things they had said, repeated to the new Object, and nothing remembred of the former but her Vanity, or something else as ridiculous, which serves for a Foil, or a Whet to Discourse. For let there be ever so many Wits in the Company, Conversation would languish, and they would be at a Loss, did not a little Censoriousness come in at a Need to help them.
Let us then treat the Ladies as civilly as may be, but let us not do it by Flattering them, but by endeavouring to make them such as may truly deserve our hearty Esteem and Kindness. Men ought really for their own Sakes, to do what in them lies to make Women Wise and Good, and then it might be hoped they themselves would effectually Study and Practice that Wisdom and Vertue they recommend to others. But so long as Men, even the best of them, who do not outrage the Women they pretend to adore, have base and unworthy Ends to serve, it is not to be expected that they should consent to such Methods as would certainly disappoint them. They would have their own Relations do well; it is their Interest: but it sometimes happens to be for their Turn that another Man’s should not, and then their Generosity fails them, and no Man is apter to find Fault with another’s dishonourable Actions, than he who is ready to do, or perhaps has done the same himself.