"Sally Ruth," said the major feelingly, "when I came here this mawnin' it wasn't for my own good--it was for yours. And to think this is all the thanks I get for bein' willin' to sacrifice myself! My God! The ingratitude of women!"
He looked at Miss Sally Ruth, and Miss Sally Ruth looked at him. And then suddenly, without a moment's warning, Miss Sally Ruth rose, and took Major Appleby Cartwright, who on a time had charged Yankee guns and hadn't been scared wu'th a damn, by the ear. She tugged, and the major rose, as one pulled upward by his bootstraps.
"Ouch! Turn loose! I take it back! The devil! It wasn't intended for any mortal man to marry you--Sally Ruth, I wouldn't marry you now for forty billion dollars and a mule! Turn loose, you hussy! Turn loose!" screeched the major.
Unheeding his anguished protests, which brought Judge Hammond Mayne on the run, thinking somebody was being murdered, Miss Sally Ruth marched her suitor out of her house and led him to her front gate. Here she paused, jaws firmly set, eyes glittering, and, as with hooks of steel, took firm hold upon the gallant major's other ear. Then she shook him; his big crimson countenance, resembling a huge overripe tomato, waggled deliriously to and fro.
"I was born"--_shake_--"an old maid,"--_shake, shake, shake_--"I have lived--by the grace of God"--_shake, shake, shake_--"an old maid, and I expect"--_shake_--"to die an old maid! I don't propose to have"--_shake_--"an old windbag offering _me_ his blubbery old bosom"--_shake, shake, SHAKE_--"at this time of my life!--and don't you forget it, Appleby Cartwright! _THERE!_ You go back home"--_shake, shake, shake_--"and sober up, you old gander, you!"
Major Appleby Cartwright stood not upon the order of his going, but went at once, galloping as if a company of those Yankees with whom he had once fought were upon his hindquarters with fixed bayonets.
However, they being next-door neighbors and friends of a lifetime's standing, peace was finally patched up. In Appleboro we do not mention this historic meeting when either of the participants can hear us, though it is one of our classics and no home is complete without it. The Major ever afterward eschewed Artillery Punch.