_Master_—“In what battle was Gustav Adolf killed?”
_Janneke Snobs_—“In his last battle, I believe, sir.”
Many centuries ago, the gallows stood on the banks of the Scheldt; and once, when two thieves were to be hanged, the rope broke, as the first was being turned off, and let him into the water. He swam across the river, and escaped.
“Look out!” said the second to the executioner, “see that the rope does not break with me—for _I can’t swim!_”
A gentleman was buying a newspaper at a kiosk, and wanted change for a frank. “I have no change,” said the saleswoman; “you can pay me to-morrow.”
“Oh, that can’t be any great loss,” she replied, innocently.
A servant girl, writing home to her parents, said, “I am sorry I have no money to buy a stamp for this letter; I will put two on the next.”
“A GENTLEMAN WAS BUYING A PAPER AT A KIOSK.” ]
_Judge_ (impatiently)—“Come, make haste, just write your name.”
_Witness_—“I’m no scholar, sir; I can’t write.”
_Father_—“I should never have thought that studying would have cost so much money.”
_Student-Son_—“Yes; and if you only knew how little I have studied!”
Van Honsbœren, junior, one evening sat gazing at his father, when the latter had fallen asleep sitting by the stove.
“Father,” cried the little fellow, suddenly, “you look just like a lion!”
“A lion!” exclaimed Van Honsbœren, waking up, “why, you’ve never seen any lions.”
“Oh yes, father! on the beach at Blankenberghe.”
“You stupid boy, those were not lions, they were donkeys.”
_Snugger—“M. le Juge_, I have been fined for letting my dog go about without a muzzle, and he certainly had one on.”
_Judge_—“The _agent de police_ says your dog had no muzzle on.”
_Gendarme_—“Yes, but he was not wearing it on his head.”
_Snugger_—“The regulations do not specify _where_ a dog is to wear his muzzle—and so, to let the beast get his breath, I tied the muzzle to his tail.”
Snobs has bought a steam-engine, and was showing it to his friend Snugger yesterday.
“How many horse-power is that machine?” asked Snugger.
“Horse-power!” exclaimed Snobs, “don’t you see it goes by steam?”
Nothing is more uncomfortable for a woman who has to keep a secret than to find no one who is curious about it.
The human being who can pass a hoarding marked “Wet Paint,” without putting his finger on it to feel if the paint really is wet, possesses strength of will and self-control enough to rule a kingdom.