Being freed from danger, we rejoyced exceedingly that we thus so narrowly escaped, resolving to house our selves in the next Bubbing-place we came to, that we might talk freely of this rencounter. A place (pointed out to us by the Devils Finger) soon presented it self to our Eyes, which we with more than good speed entered; and coming into the Kitchin, I was not a little amazed at the sight of a thing sitting in a Chair by the fire-side, with a Pipe of Tobacco in its mouth, and a Quartern of Strong-waters by its side. This Tun of Flesh resembled an Elephant for the bignesse of her Waste, had there been the least appearance of a Tooth: A Nose she had (which with all wonder be it spoken that she had any) so long, as that it was a fit resemblance of the Elephants _Proboscis_ or Trunk. But, as I said before, her Teeth were faln out; and as loving Neighbours to reconcile them, her Chin and Nose resolved to meet about it. She bids us Welcome as well as she could speak. Go, I think she could not; but opening her mouth, Lord, what strong imaginations my fancy suggested to me! Me thought I saw Hell gaping to devour me; and within that bottomless Concave, I could discern infinite numbers of Souls whose damnation she was accessory to; and coming somewhat too near her, I imagined her breath was bituminous, and smelt of Brimstone. She might fitly be compared to old-Coal that hath been well burnt, that with the least spark will re-kindle, and fire any thing near it. But her fittest likeness is the Devil, her Envy running parallel with his. All that the Devil endeavours, is to bring Mankind into the same state with himself; and a Bawds aim is to make all fair women like her: now because their youth perhaps will not admit of it so soon, she hurries them on to it by degrees, by drinking, smoaking, painting, and dayly excess in venery. I lookt about her house very inquisitively, but I could not judge her Moveables (setting aside her quick Cattle) to be worth an Inventory. Her bedding I doubt me too is infectious, few coming near it, but they are presently taken with a fit of the falling-sickness. This old Beldame, being loth to put her throat to the trouble of calling her white Devils about her, had got a Whistle, on which she used several Notes; which Musical language her Girls understood very well. We called for drink; the old Bawd replyed she would send for some, though she had it not in the house: this was to be sure of our Moneys. Herein I observed their temperance, not suffering us to have too much measure. Wenches we had plentifully; one more especially I took notice of, to have the Swartheist skin I have seen English born, on whom an ordinary fellow was very sweet. When I saw my opportunity, I askt him, craving his excuse) _What Trade he was?_ Pat as I would have it, he answered me, _That he was a Tanner. I concluded so, Sir_, (said I) _by your dressing of that Calf’s-skin there._ This Dull-headed fool apprehended me not, but began to be angry, telling me, _His Trade was a good Trade, and I need not undervalue it_. I told him, _I did not, since there was some analogy between my Trade and his. Why what Trade are you?_ (said he,) _(I may ask you a question, as well as you me.)_ I replyed, _That I was a Cuckold-maker. How can that be like my Profession?_ quoth he. _In this_, said I, _You dress the skins, and I trim the Horns._ The Bawd at this fell into such an extream fit of laughter, that down fell her Pipe, and up came the Strong-waters that she had swallowed: but that was not all, for having not her retentive faculty, she let flie: surely she was overcharged, which made her recoyl, and so blew out her breech-pin. She was forced to leave us, and about an hour after returned; how sweet, I cannot tell you. We fell into discourse again: I askt her, _How long she had liv’d in this house? Two years_ (said she) _a longer time then any house I have lived in this twenty years_: with that I concluded she was in fee with the Justices Clerk. My stomach being waterish, I would needs have some Eggs and Bacon: but Lord, what an Agony the hearing thereof put the Bawd in! desiring me to desist, for she should die at the sight of them. I askt her the reason: _O_, said she, _it puts me in mind of one _Shrove-tuesday_ especially, on which the Apprentices pulled down my house; and sick, sick as I was, pulled me away violently from a Caudle I had prepared to comfort me: But they gave me one with a Pox to them, and the Devils Dam take the Rotten Eggs in it, with which I thought they would have pelted out my brains, after they had dragged me sufficiently, and worried me (as a Mastiff would a Cat) till they were weary of the sport: fearing I should catch cold, they out of pity covered me warm in a Bogg-house.