Its effects were quite equal to my expectations as regards the principal matter in hand, but I very much regret to state that the man had so little understanding of what was offered to him that he smoked a cigar with it (one of your lordship’s Villar Villars). You will understand that I made no comment on this at the time, but your lordship will sympathize with my feelings. May I take this opportunity of expressing my grateful appreciation of your lordship’s excellent taste in food, drink and dress? It is, if I may say so, more than a pleasure—it is an education, to valet and buttle your lordship.
“What on earth are you doing, Peter, sittin’ there noddin’ an’ grinnin’ like a what-you-may-call-it?” demanded the Duke, coming suddenly out of a snooze. “Someone writin’ pretty things to you, what?”
“Hope to goodness you don’t go and marry a chorus beauty,” he muttered inwardly, and returned to the _Times_.
Over dinner I had set myself to discover Cummings’s tastes, and found them to run in the direction of the music-hall stage. During his first glass I drew him out in this direction, your lordship having kindly given me opportunities of seeing every performance in London, and I spoke more freely than I should consider becoming in the ordinary way in order to make myself pleasant to him. I may say that his views on women and the stage were such as I should have expected from a man who would smoke with your lordship’s port.
With the second glass I introduced the subject of your lordship’s inquiries. In order to save time I will write our conversation in the form of a dialogue, as nearly as possible as it actually took place.
_Cummings_: You seem to get many opportunities of seeing a bit of life, Mr. Bunter.
_Bunter_: One can always make opportunities if one knows how.
_Cummings_: Ah, it’s very easy for you to talk, Mr. Bunter. You’re not married, for one thing.
_Bunter_: I know better than that, Mr. Cummings.
_Cummings_: So do I—_now_, when it’s too late. (He sighed heavily, and I filled up his glass.)
_Bunter_: Does Mrs. Cummings live with you at Battersea?
_Cummings_: Yes, her and me we do for my governor. Such a life! Not but what there’s a char comes in by the day. But what’s a char? I can tell you it’s dull all by ourselves in that d—d Battersea suburb.