The Assistant Reader has been refreshing himself with _Lapsus Calami_, by J.K.S., published by MACMILLAN and BOWES. It is a booklet of light verse, containing here and there some remarkably brilliant pieces of satire and parody. The first of two parodies of ROBERT BROWNING is unsurpassable for successful audacity. The last poem in the book is "An Election Address," written for, but apparently not used by, the present POSTMASTER-GENERAL, when he was Candidate for Cambridge University, in 1882. He says of himself, after confessing to a dislike for literature and science,--
"But I have fostered, guided, planned Commercial enterprise; in me Some ten or twelve directors, and Six worthy chairmen you may see."
All the pieces are not so good as those cited--that would be too much to expect--but "get it," say
ANDREW LANGUAGE--no, LANG!--who the classics is pat in, Suggests to our writers, as test of their "style," Just to turn their equivocal prose into Latin, As DRYDEN did. Truly the plan makes one smile! Reviewers find Novelists' nonsense much weary 'em. Writers of twaddle Take DRYDEN a model-- Turn your books into some great "_dead_ language"--and _bury_ 'em!
Will you, if you please, point out to me the way to the streets which, I am told, are paved with gold?
Where shall I find the employer of labour who, I have been told, will instantly get me occupation at a wage of 60 roubles the week?
Dear me! in this, then, your "White Chapel"? I was told it was a luxurious quarter, famous for its Palaces.
Surely this horrid den is not one of your model work-rooms? I was told that such things existed only in Russia!
And are these people who are scowling at and cursing me your typical working population? Why, I was told that I should find them dear brothers, waiting to welcome us with open arms.
And is this pittance you offer me all that you pay for making a coat? I was told that it was quite twelve times as much as this.
Ah! I'm afraid I have been told, and have given credit to, a great many things to which I never should have listened at all.
_Lady Godiva de Rougepott_. "I DON'T THINK ANY PAINTING LOOKS WELL IN THIS HORRID ELECTRIC LIGHT!"
_Hostess_ (_nettled_). "DON'T YOU, DEAR? PERHAPS YOU WOULD PREFER TO REMAIN IN THE DRAWING-ROOM, WHERE THE LAMPS AND SHADES ARE!"]