[_Confused cries and barks are heard outside._
_Alfred_ (_shocked_). SPRETA! When I am going to bring all his desires into harmony with his digestion! _How_ unkind of you! (_Looks out for a moment._) What in the world are all the dogs barking at down there?
_San. Eng. Bloch._ (_re-entering with_ MOPSA, _by glass door_). Only some organ-grinder's monkey. They have just frightened it into the fiord. _Such_ fun!
_Alfred_ (_in an agony of dread_). Can it be our Little----? But he is burying bones in the back garden. And he is not a _monkey_, either. And if he were, monkeys can all swim.... What are they saying now?... Hush!
_San. Eng. Bloch._ (_leans over verandah railings_). They say, "He is still shouldering the little musket!"
_Alfred_ (_almost paralysed_). The little----it _is_ MOPSËMAN! I taught him to do it so thoroughly! (_With outstretched arms._) He cannot shoulder a musket and swim too! (_Glancing darkly at_ SPRETA.) Woman, you have your wish! Henceforth my life will be one long rankle of remorse!
_Mopsa_ (_with an affectionate expression in her eyes_). Not _alone_, ALFRED! We will rankle together--just you and I.
_Alfred_ (_rises, half distracted_). Oh, my gracious goodness!
DEAR SIR,--The answer to this question is simplicity itself--my League did it. We got the Labourers Allotments and we gained our _quid pro quo_ (this phrase has kindly been supplied by a distinguished patron of ours) in votes. All efforts to prove that IMPEY'S the friend, not LONG, were in vain. But the credit that it was not so is ours.
THE SECRETARY OF THE TRULY RURAL LABOURERS' LEAGUE.
DEAR SIR,--From careful inquiries made in London, I'm convinced that the principles underlying our League resulted in Colonel LONG'S return. Englishmen are, after all, sportsmen; and Worcestershire is an integral portion of England. If more proof is wanted, I need only mention that only one day before the polling we received an application from Evesham for the formation of a local branch.
DEAR SIR,--_We_ did the trick. We had five canvassers per man in the division, and during the contest we paid 53,219 visits, leaving 2,159,549 leaflets. We've learnt our tactics from organ-grinders who are paid to go into the next street. Rather than keep us with them, the electors promise us their votes. Next please!