A very genteel-looking little man whom I had seen in the same carriage with me, and now sitting in the room before me, with his carpet-bag by the side of him, and his umbrella in his hand, addressed me, "Stranger, you'll allow me."--"Certainly, sir." "I think I heard you tell a gentleman in the carriage that you were from New York."--"Yes, I did so." "_I'm_ from there. I left there four months ago, and I've gone ahead, or I'll be shot. How long have _you_ bin from there, sir?"--"About five years." "Hell! there's been great fixins there in that time; you'd scarcely know New York now; look here, isn't this the darndest strange country you ever saw in your life? rot 'em, I can't get 'em to do anything as I want it done; they are the greatest set of numskulls I ever saw; now see, that little snub of a petticoat that's just gone out there, I suppose she is cock of the walk here too; she's been all civility to you, but I've had a hell of a blow up with her; I was in here not five minutes before you by the watch, and I spoke for a bed and a mug of ale; she brought me the ale, and I told her to bring me a tumbler and a cracker, and she turned upon me in a hell of a flare-up. She said she was very much obliged to me for my himpudence, she didn't allow crackers in her house, and as for 'tumblers,' they were characters she never had anything to do with, thank God; they were a low set of creatures, and they never got any favour about her house. She wanted to know what quarter I came from. I told her I wasn't from _any quarter_, I was from _half_--half the globe, by God, and the better half too--wasn't I right, stranger? She said her house was a hinn, to be sure, but she didn't hentertain blackguards, so there was my hale, and I might drink it hup and be hoff, and be anged, and then she cut her string quicker than lightning; now isn't she a hard un? I don't suppose there is another house open in this darned outlandish place at this time of the night; what the devil shall I do? _you_ are fixed snug enough." "Oh, well, never mind," said I, "be quite easy, it is settled in a moment,"--as I rung the bell. The tidy little landlady came in again, and I said, "This gentleman will have a glass if you please, and a biscuit."--"Hif he was a gentleman, Sir," said she, "but I assure you, Sir, is beaviour as'nt been much like it." "Well, well," said I, "never mind it now, you will be good friends after a little better understanding--he comes from a country where a glass is a _tumbler_ and a biscuit is a _cracker_: now, if you had known this, there would have been no difficulty between you." "Ho, that I hadmit, but it's very hodd." "Never mind that, you will find him a good fellow, and give him his bed." "Is bed, Sir?--hit's too late; it's been hoccupied hever since you entered the ouse--the only chance his for you and im to turn hin." "Well," said I, "never mind, he and I will manage that; it is after midnight, and I suppose the other houses are all shut?" "I'll hanswer for that: hif you are ready, gentlemen, I'll show you hup." My friend kept by my side, but knowing the gloomy fate that awaited him if he got into the street again, he kept entirely quiet until the little landlady was down stairs. "There," said he, "isn't she a roarer? I could have settled the hash with her myself in a twinkling, if she had only let me have said five words, but her tongue run so slick that I couldn't get the half of a word in edgewise."