Hetty, she was the right-hand twin, and Netty was the left-hand twin. And you never seen such lookers before in your life, double nor single. They was exactly alike and they thought alike and they talked alike. Sometimes when I used to set and talk to 'em I felt sure they was just one woman. If I could 'a' looked at 'em through one of these here stereoscopes they would 'a' come together and been one woman, I never had any idea about 'em bein' two women.
Well, I courted 'em, and they was mighty nice to me, both of 'em. I used to give 'em candy and flowers and little presents and I would set and admire 'em by the hour. I kept gettin' more and more into love with them. And I seen they was gettin' to like me, too.
“Yes,” says Hetty. And, “Yes,” says Netty. Both in the same breath! And then each one looked at the other one, and they both looked at me, and they says, both together:
“Why,” says I, kind o' flustered, “there ain't but one of you, is they? I look on you as practically one woman.”
“You orter be ashamed of yourself,” says Hetty.
“You didn't think,” says Netty, “that you could marry both of us, did you?”
Well, all I had really thought up to that time was that I was in love with 'em, and just as much in love with one as with the other, and I popped the question right out of my heart and sentiments without thinking much one way or the other. But now I seen there was going to be a difficulty.
“Well,” I says, “if you want to consider yourself as two people, I suppose it would be marryin' both of you. But I always thought of you as two hearts that beat as one. And I don't see no reason why I shouldn't marry the two of you, if you want to hold out stubborn that you _are_ two.”
“For my part,” says Hetty, “I think you are insulting.”
“You must choose between us,” says Netty.
“I would never,” says Hetty, “consent to any Mormonous goings-on of that sort.”
They still insisted they was two people till finally I kind o' got to see their side of the argyment. But how was I going to choose between them when no matter which one I chooses she was tied tight to the other one?
We agreed to talk it over with the Fat Lady in that show, who had a good deal of experience in concerns of the heart and she had been married four or five times and was now a widder, having accidental killed her last husband by rolling over on him in her sleep. She says to me: