"The Queen of Spain's Beard" is the fourth episode of season one, in the BBC's historical comedy franchise, The Black Adder. Set in England, during a fictional historical era of the late 15th-century, the episode parodies the practice of intermarriage between the royal houses of European powers - which was a genuine and significant characteristic of European politics at that time. Its bawdy humour also deals with taboos surrounding premarital sex, gay stereotypes and the practice of child marriage.
The title of the episode may allude to the words attributed to Sir Francis Drake who "singed the beard of the King of Spain" when he attacked the country in 1587. It may also be a reference to the term "Beard," which in specific circumstances, is associated with insincere or expedient personal relationships.
As with other episodes in this series, the end credits include an acknowledgement of "additional dialogue by William Shakespeare". One scene includes a parody of Richard III in which the third messenger announces in deadpan style the death of Lord Wessex. The fictitious King Richard IV retorts, "I like not this news! Bring me some other news!" echoing Richard III's rebuke to a messenger, "There, take thou that till thou bring better news." (Act 4, scene 4)
The episode introduces a recurring guest star to the Blackadder series, Miriam Margolyes, who plays the part of the Spanish Infanta betrothed to Prince Edmund. Margolyes would later return to play Edmund's Puritan aunt, Lady Whiteadder, in the 1986 episode "Beer" and the part of Queen Victoria in Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988). Margolyes's Infanta is accompanied in "The Queen of Spain's Beard" by an interpreter, played by Jim Broadbent, who would go on to play Albert, Prince Consort opposite her in Blackadder's Christmas Carol. Broadbent was also intended to play Lord Whiteadder in "Beer", but was unavailable for recording.
Although "The Queen of Spain's Beard" was originally broadcast as episode 4 of the series, on later broadcasts and DVD releases it has been switched with episode 2, "Born to Be King".
Plot
The year is 1492 and Europe is in disarray as nations go to war and kingdoms rise and fall. In England, Richard IV's court throbs with activity as he and his noblemen plan for war. The King must secure Spain's allegiance in a war with France, and commands his son, Harry, Prince of Wales, to marry the Spanish Infanta. Harry reveals that he is already engaged to a long list of European princesses (and one prince), and so the duty falls to Richard's forgotten son, Edmund, Duke of Edinburgh.
Edmund, meanwhile, has been trying unsuccessfully to woo the ladies of the court. After a woman pushes him off the castle ramparts in revulsion because she was expecting Harry, Edmund renounces women. His resolve is weakened when he learns that his father has arranged his marriage to the Infanta Maria Escalosa of Spain and he grows excited when he imagines her as a beautiful princess. The Infanta arrives at court and Edmund is horrified to discover that she is ugly, morbidly obese, and sexually voracious. Facilitated by her ever-present interpreter, Don Speekingleesh, she declares undying love for Edmund. Terrified, Edmund retreats to work out a way of getting out of the marriage, which is to take place the following day.
Baldrick hatches a plan: if Edmund can convince the Infanta that he "prefers the intimate company of men", she will not be willing to marry him. Baldrick suggests he follow the example of Earl of Doncaster, which Edmund is initially reticent to do until he realises that no one would ever marry the Earl of Doncaster except, perhaps, the Duke of Beaufort. Edmund then puts on flamboyant clothes and makeup, adopts stereotypically camp mannerisms and minces his way into court - only to be mistaken for the Earl of Doncaster by his father. Unfortunately, the Infanta misunderstands Edmund's appearance as an attempt to wear traditional Spanish dress to delight her, and her lust for him is kindled further.
Edmund's next strategy is to get out of the marriage by marrying someone else. He sends Percy to find a suitable fiancée while Baldrick kidnaps a Roman Catholic priest to perform the ceremony. Edmund – still wearing his flamboyantly gay outfit – attempts to marry a giggling peasant girl named, Tully Applebottom. The ceremony is abruptly halted by Tully's enraged husband, who ejects Edmund by threatening him with a scythe, assuming him to be the Earl of Doncaster.