Rastus (from habit)—Pahson, Ah shoots de works!
I pressed thy round, full mouth to mine own In ecstacy. I drew the fragrant perfume of thee Into me. My trembling hand about thy slender neck. With a curse: for I knew That thou wast empty, little pint bottle.
“Will you please insert this obituary notice?” asked an old gentleman of Pedigreed Bull Smith of the Minneapolis Journal. “I make bold to ask it because the deceased had a great many friends about here who’d be glad to hear of his death.”
_As the old saying goes—you’ll find no Chinese laundries where the River Shannon flows._
If everything we did in life was printed on our foreheads there would not be so many reformers out in the daytime.
“Were you ever pinched for going too fast?”
_“Mary, Mary, slightly airy,_ _How do the fashions go?”_ _“Piled up hair and shoulders bare_ _And vertebrae all in a row.”_
“Sir,” writes a correspondent, “When I was in Butte I dropped my meal ticket on the floor and one of those miners with hob-nailed shoes stepped on it and punched out a week’s board.”
Sandy McDugal was a great golf enthusiast. In many months he never missed a morning. Then the inevitable happened—Sandy was absent. His fellow golfers, worried lest Sandy be ill, sought him out.
They found the old Highlander in apparently good health. Sandy refused to explain his absence from the course until after vigorous questioning.
“Weel,” drawled Sandy unwillingly, “if ye must know, I lost me ball.”
There are two things that I can’t understand. A locoed cow and a love-sick man.
A traveling man had missed his train and went back to his home. He took his pass keys out of his pocket, opened the door, and to his great surprise his wife was sitting on his best friend’s lap, and kissing him.
“Smith, I’ve set a trap for you and caught you,” shouted the irate husband.
Smith replied, “With bait like this, you can catch me any time!”
“That was a striking gown your girl wore last night.”
When Mrs. Murphy saw her husband hanging in the stable she said, “so that’s where my clothes line went!”
The new guard was not familiar with a certain railway run in Wales. Came a station which rejoiced in the name of Llanfairfeshanpwllgogerych. For a few minutes he stood looking at the sign board in mute helplessness. Then, pointing to the board and waving his other arm toward the carriages, he called, “If there’s anybody there for here, this is it.”—Western Christian Advocate.