"ASKIN' YER PARDON, MISS, BUT MIGHT THAT 'ERE LITTLE DOG'S TAIL HA' BEEN CUT OFF OR DRUV' IN?"]
It surely should not be allowed, The Modern Society Play, That dreadfully shocking _Kate Cloud_, That bad _Mrs. P. Tanqueray._ That's what said X. Y. Z.
It elevates everyone, The Modern Society Play, You stupid old son of a gun. Replied, bursting into the fray, Fearless, free, H. B. TREE.
Why make such a clamour? Oh, blow The Modern Society Play! As nothing compels you to go, X. Y. Z., you can just stop away; Don't you see? So say we.
1. Hymn-book stolen. Original price, in superior binding, 11-¾_d._
2. Hymn-book pawned for 2-½_d._ by thief.
3. Pawnbroker, finding my name inside, tells Police.
4. Police inform me I can have the book restored to me "on application."
5. Go to Scotland Yard. Told hymn-book is at Bow Street. Cost of my journey so far, 4-½_d._
6. At Bow Street have to take out summons against Chief Commissioner! This is "the invariable rule," I am informed. Cost of summons and "service"--not the Church Service--3_s._ Could have got _three new hymn-books_ with the sum.
7. Have to attend week later at hearing of summons. Journey again 4-½_d._ Bow Street _not_ a nice court. Hymn-book restored to me.
8. Chief Commissioner appeals! Believes there is another person of my name to whom book may belong. "If I give it up quietly, shall hear no more about it." Give up my own hymn-book! Never!
9. Appeal dismissed. Attendance and costs amount to £45. And I am the winning party!
10. Chief Commissioner "carries me" to House of Lords, but does not pay carriage. Preliminary costs, £80.
12. House of Lords sits. "Has no doubt hymn-book belongs to other person of my name." I to pay all costs in all Courts!
"I shall be all right again soon, I'll be bound!" as a dilapidated First Edition observed.
[Yale _v._ Princeton University. "Before the game commenced an Inspector of police, who was on the ground, addressed the two teams, and cautioned them against violent play. This warning is without precedent in the history of the University contests."--_Reuter._]
SCENE--_Queen's Club. Oxford and Cambridge Football Match. Teams undergoing modern torture of ordeal by photograph. Enter_ Police-Inspector, _rampant, supported by two Peelers proper. He "addresses the two teams":_--
