"A.S.S."--The Dividend days of the "_Ex-Nihilo-Fit Loan and Insurance Company_ are April 1, up to mid-day, and September 31.
So much for some of the principal Correspondents who require an answer in my weekly article. As for myself, I can only say that my motto is, "_Confidentia Illimitata et Nulla Pecunia redditur_." Within the last month the gross earnings of the office on behalf of my clients has been £12,345,678,910 which compares favourably with the previous month. Every penny of this, equal to 50 per cent. profit to every one of my clients, will be distributed within a week with a handsome bonus of twenty-five pounds to everyone sending in his coupon or cheque for fifteen sovereigns by twelve o'clock next Tuesday, after which hour it is impossible for any one, be he who he may, from Kaiser to Chimney-sweeper, to participate in the enormous profit which will have been honestly earned by
[Footnote 2: N.B.--Note change of address.]
SHORTLY TO APPEAR.--_A Morning without Boots_, by the Author of _A Knight without Spurs_.
I went down to the Psychical Society one night, And heard them talk of Spooks and things that filled me with affright. The Psychical Society, as every member boasts, Was founded with the object of investigating Ghosts! Now Ghosts, the modern species, are of very various sorts, For like some plants, as botanists say, they seem to run to "sports." I used to think a spectre _was_ a spectre, but I find The "Psychical" can furnish Spooks of every class and kind.
Some of the Ghosts are little, some of the Ghosts are big, Some come in the guise of a headless man, and some of a spectre pig. Some of them laugh "Ha! ha!" Some of them wail "Heigho!" And I felt that night in a doose of a fright before it was time to go.
I had read _Phantasmagoria_ by that writer quaint but grand, Who penned _The Hunting of the Snark_ and _Alice in Wonderland_. And I thought I knew a thing or two, or might be even three, About a Ghoul, and a Fay or Troll, and a Brownie or Banshee. I knew that a Banshee always howled, whilst a Goblin might but yawn, I also knew that a Poltergeist was _not_ a Leprechaun, But the Psychicals, I'm bound to say, had me on "buttered toastes" With the wonderful changes which they rang on the good old Churchyard "Ghostes."