SUT LOVINGOOD sends the following to an exchange. A full-blooded Cockney who is now taking notes on the United States, chanced to be on one of our southern trains, when a "run off" took place, and a general mixing up of things was the consequence. Cockney's first act, after straightening out his collapsed hat, was to raise a terrible 'ubbub about 'is baggage, and among other things, wanted to know, "hif railroads hin Hamerika wasn't responsible for baggage stolen, smashed, or missing?"
"Well, yes," said the Tennessean addressed, "but it is a deuce of a job to get your pay."
"They will perhaps admit your claim, but then _they offer to fight you for it_; that's a standing American rule. There is the man employed by this road to _fight for baggage_," pointing to a huge bewhiskered train-hand, who stood by with his sleeves rolled up, "I think, if my memory serves me, he has fought for sixty-nine lots, _an' blamed if he haint won 'em all_. They gave him the empty trunks for his pay, and he is making a hundred dollars a month in selling trunks, valises, carpet-bags, and satchels. Have you lost any baggage?"
"No, no, not hat hall. Hi just hasked to learn your custom hin case hi _did_ lose hany. Hi don't _think_ hi'll lose mine 'owever."
Here the train-hand who overheard the talk, stepped up, and inquired, "Have you lost anything?"
"Ho no! ho no!" replied Cockney, with unusual energy.
"Thank you, Sir. No, I think I have a supply."
"Well, if you do either lose baggage or want to buy a trunk _already marked_, deuced if I ain't the man to call on."
It is needless to say that instead of raising Cain generally, as Cockney had been doing, he betook him to zealously writing notes on American customs during the remainder of the delay. Probably he indited something fully equal to the _London Times_ Georgia railroad story.
A SCHOLAR put his horse into a field belonging to Morton College, on which the Master sent him a message, that if he continued his horse there, he would cut off his tail. "Say you so!" answered the scholar, "go tell your master, if he cuts off my horse's tail, I will cut off his ears." This being delivered to the Master, he in a passion sent for the scholar, who appearing before him, he said sternly, "How now, Sir, what mean you by that menace you sent me?" "Sir," said the youth, "I menaced you not; I only said, _if you cut off my horse's tail, I would cut off his ears_."