LITTLE JOHNNY--"Cos her name is Adeline Moore."
GRIGGS--"When I don't catch the name of the person I've been introduced to, I ask if it's spelled with an 'e' or an 'i.' It generally works, too."
BRIGGS--"I used to try that dodge myself until I was introduced to a young lady at a party. When I put the question about the 'e' or 'i,' she flushed angrily and wouldn't speak to me the whole evening."
FIRST LITTLE GIRL--"What's your last name, Annie?"
SECOND LITTLE GIRL--"Don't know yet; I ain't married."
"Spell your name!" said the court clerk sharply. The witness began: "O double T, I, double U, E, double L, double--"
"Begin again! begin again!" ordered the clerk.
The witness repeated: "O, double T, I, double U, E, double L, double U, double O--"
"Your honor," roared the clerk, "I beg that this man be committed for contempt of court!"
"My name, your honor, is Ottiwell Wood, and I spell it O, double T, I, double U, E, double L, double U, double O, D."--_Literary Digest_.
"Is Mr. Smith in the audience?" broke forth the presiding officer. "I am informed that his house is afire."
"It is the house of Mr. John Smith," added the chairman.
"Thank goodness!" fervently exclaimed one man, resuming his seat.--_Everybody's_.
"But are you an American citizen?" angrily demanded the official at the passport office.
"My mother was American"--began the applicant.
"I was born on a ship flying Spanish colors while she was lying at anchor in Honolulu Harbor, but my parents died in Brazil when I was only four years old and I was adopted by a Chinaman, who brought me up in Russia"--
"He's a bloomin' League of Nations!" exploded the official who had first spoken.
CHARLIE--"What you say just goes in one ear and out the other."
"Sound can't cross a vacuum, you know, old fellow."
"Say, dad, what keeps us from falling off the earth when we are upside down?"
"Well, how did folks stay on before the law was passed?"
Miss Annette Benton, on returning from a visit, brought a gift to each of her mother's colored servants. It was the "day out" for Lily, the housemaid, so Annette distributed her gifts, reserving for Lily a scarlet-silk blouse.
"That won't do," said Mrs. Benton. "Lily's in mourning."
"Yes, for her husband; he died in jail, and Lily's wearing a long crape veil."