The Williams family, in the course of time, was blessed with five children, all boys. The eldest was named after the father--William. Of course, that would be shortened to "Will" or enfeebled to "Willie"--but wait! A second son came and was christened Willard. "Aha!" chuckled Mr. Williams. "Now everybody will have to speak the full names of each of these boys in order to distinguish them."
In pursuance of this scheme the next three sons were named Wilbert, Wilfred, and Wilmont.
They are all big boys now. And they are respectively known to their intimates as Bill, Skinny, Butch, Chuck, and Kid.
Aunt Liza's former mistress was talking to her one morning, when suddenly she discovered a little pickaninny standing shyly behind his mother's skirts. "Is this your little boy, Aunt Liza?" she asked.
"Goodness, what a funny name, auntie, for a child! How in the world did you happen to call him that?"
"Ah simply calls him dat becuz Ah has sech hahd wuk gettin' him filled."
BREATHLESS VISITOR--"Doctor, can you help me? My name is Jones--"
DOCTOR--"No, I'm sorry; I simply can't do anything for that."
A chauffeur had applied for a position with a new-rich family which aspired to be considered "top-notch" socially, and was being interviewed by the mistress of the house.
"We call all our servants by their last names," she announced. "What is your last name?"
"You had best call me Thomas, ma'am," replied the applicant.
"No, we insist that you be willing to be called by your last name. Otherwise you won't do at all."
"Oh, I'm willing, ma'am, but I don't think the family would like to use it."
"What is your last name then?" said his prospective employer, somewhat coldly and as though she expected a revelation of international scandal.
A little colored girl, a newcomer in Sunday-school, gave her name to the teacher as "Fertilizer Johnson." Later the teacher asked the child's mother if that was right.
"Yes, ma'am, dat's her name," said the fond parent. "You see, she was named fer me and her father. Her father's name am Ferdinand and my name is Liza. So we named her Fertilizer."
LITTLE JOHNNY--"Dad, there's a girl at our school whom we call Postscript."
DAD--"Postscript? What do you call her Postscript for?"
