GROSVENOR--Is it my fault if they all fall in love with me? You, of course, who are not endowed with all the disadvantages of beauty, cannot know what I have to put up with.
G· C·--Then change it all--destroy your beauty!
G· C·--Cut your hair, let your beard grow, get another uniform, and, in fact, make yourself a commonplace young man.
GROSVENOR--Again I say that would be impossible.
G· C·--Do you know that I am a bad man when I am crossed? If you do not do what I desire, perhaps I might curse you. (GROSVENOR _starts_.) Ah me.
G· C·--Then beware--may the curse of your aunt be upon you. Ah, ha!
G· C·--Then may the curse of your grandmother be upon you. Ah, ha!
G· C·--I will have you expelled from our order, I will have you blackballed from every benevolent association in the land, I will lay traps to humiliate you, I will bring misery and disgrace upon your family, I will cause your financial ruin, and I will kill the girl you love.
G· C·--I will have you discharged from the Chicago & Alton Railroad Company.
GROSVENOR--(_Goes on his knees and shrieks_) Oh, say not so!
GROSVENOR--Oh, be merciful as you are strong. Beat me, ruin me, kill me, but do not let me leave the Alton.
G· C·--Then do as I command you; become a commonplace young man.
GROSVENOR--I will, but remember that I do it on compulsion. (_Sings._)
A most unique young man, Who runs the car young man, Polite to the ladies And kind to the babies, A remarkably nice young man.
Who sells you a ticket Through a nice little wicket A thoroughly Alton man.]
[Illustration: "SOME OF US PRETTY, ALL OF US WITTY."]
[Illustration: "AH PATIENCE! I AM GLAD YOU ARE HERE. I AGAIN RENEW MY SUIT."]
[Illustration: "CONCEIVE ME IF YOU CAN, AN EVERY-DAY YOUNG MAN."]
Conceive me if you can, A C. & A. young man, Who is lavish in dress, And runs the express, A most unique young man.
A highly colored young man, A Pullman car young man, Whose name is Dalton; Who runs on the Alton, A thoro' bred black-and-tan.
Conceive me if you can, A button and lace young man, Who tends to yer' daughters, Looks arter yer' quarters, A most polite young man.
A grimy, rough old man, A tough and bluff old man, Who swears like an Injun, And runs the engine, A Chicago and Alton man.