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Sammywell Grimes's Trip With His Old Chum Billy Baccus; His Opinion O'th' French, And Th' French Opinion O'th' Exhibition He Made Ov Hissen.
Author Of "Clock Almanack," Yorkshire Ditties," "Seets I' Lundun," "Grimes's Trip To America," "Many A Slip," "A Rolling Stone." "Yorkshek Puddin." &C.
26, PATERNOSTER SQUARE, E. C., AND ALBION WORKS, WAKEFIELD.
O them'at read this book an are disappointed becoss aw've described noa 'Seets' but what they knew all abaat befoar, awd simply beg on em to bear i' mind 'at they didn't mak a new Payris o' purpose for me to visit;--an to them 'at's inclined to daat trewth o' some o'th' descriptions aw do give, becoss when they wor thear things lukt different to them, awd beg em to remember at we dooant all see wi th' same een, an if it had been intended 'at we should, one pair o' een wod ha done for th' lot, an then what wod ha becoom o'th' spectacle makkers. Nah, if hawf o'th' book is fact, that's worth sixpence, an if t'other hawf is fancy, that's worth sixpence; soa bless mi life I what wod yo have?
W nivver intended to let yo know what had happened when aw went to Payris, but as aw wor foolish enough to tak' another chap wi me, an as awm feeard if aw did'nt tell he wod, why awm foorced to tell misen. Nah, awm quite willin' to admit'at ther may'nt be mich'at yo'll consider reight abaat it but for mi' own Karacter's sake aw shall try to prove at ther wor nowt varry far wrang.
Aw could like to tell yo all aw saw an' all aw heeard, but aw've lived long enuff to know at trewth isnt allus pleasant, an' i' this case awm sewer it wod'nt be, for if aw may judge other fowk bi' misen awm foorced to say at th' inklin aw gate o' some types o' society made a bad impression'at has'nt left me yet.
Awd been advised whativver else aw did, to leeav Mally at hooam, for they sed noa chap could enjoy hissen i' Payris if he tuk a woman wi' him, an' especially if shoo considered hersen to be his guardian angel, which is another word for maister.
But aw did'nt feel inclined to goa bi' misen like a wanderin' jew, soa aw went to ax Billy Baccus if he'd join me an' then we could goa like th' Cussican brothers. Nah, it soa happened at Billy had been ailin' for a long time, ha long nubdy knew but hissen, for he's a famous memory an' booasts'at he can recollect his father an' mother havin' a fratch as to whether th' next child should be a lad or a lass befoor he wor born; but then awm nooan foorced to believe all he says, an' yo can please yorsen. Hasomivver, his ailments began somewhear abaat that time, an' he's nivver had ony gradely health sin. When Billy's at hooam he keeps a beershop at th' moorside an' does a varry tidy trade ov a Sundy, but durin' th' wick its seldom or ivver at onybody darkens th' door an' that's a varry gooid job, for he's sich a martyr to his trade, an' soa anxious to suit his customers, at he'll nivver sarve onybody wi a pint until he's supt a gill to sample it, an' when it comes shuttin' up time, he's soa full up at he has to sit ith' arm cheer as straight as a pikestaff for fear if he should lig daan it mud run aght an' be wasted. During th' rest o' th' wick he suffers tarribly, an' monny a time he's hard warkto get on wi his brewin.