“I don’t want to die,” sobbed Fay. “I’m young. I’m only twenty-two. It’s wicked, it’s wicked.... I won’t be resigned. Nurse says I ought to be. But she isn’t going to die.”
“Fay, dear, I know it’s terribly hard.... I shan’t ask you to be resigned. But will you listen to me for a few minutes?”
“Yes, I will—if you don’t want me to be resigned. Young people can’t be resigned, can they?”
“No, but they can fight. Fay, have I ever told you how much I admire you for the way you’ve risen in your profession?” The sobbing grew quieter. “I’ve never had to do anything for my living, and I don’t suppose I can imagine one tenth part of the difficulty with which people do earn their living—the competition, the horrid spectres which people of my class never see, the fear of breaking down, of not having enough at the end of the week to pay the rent, to find food and clothing. You were earning a splendid salary when—the accident happened, but you didn’t always, did you?”
“Not much. The first few years after mother died I had precious little, an engagement here and there, and a good many times I didn’t know where the tin was coming from to pay the landlady.”
“I know. I guessed all that, because very few people ‘arrive’ without making a big fight. I’m sure you made a splendid fight. You hung on to the managers and agents till they gave you engagements, and you set your teeth together and said to yourself, ‘I won’t be done,’ didn’t you?”
“Yes, but how did you know?” She lifted the distorted, tear-stained face wonderingly.
“You were quite a child when you made that fight, at an age when I was still in the schoolroom. And you fought fairly, and made lots of friends. Look at the crowds of letters you get, asking how you are. Fay, go on fighting. Don’t give in now.”
There was complete silence. The dark head was motionless. Claudia knew she was taking in the idea, for whenever Fay wanted to reason with herself, she always thought in silence. She always took a special interval from life to do her thinking.
“But what am I to fight for?” she said at length.
“To keep your own respect and the respect and admiration of all who know you. Poor Jack loves you very much in his way, and he is distracted. Help to steady him, Fay. He is beginning to look at life more seriously. He admires you immensely as an artist, make him admire you as a _woman_. You told me once that you didn’t want to do him any harm by marrying him. You can do him a great deal of good.”