PODB. The old Johnny seems full of pretty fancies. (_He looks through_ _another peephole._) Girl looking at skeleton. Ha! Any other domestic subjects on view? (_He suddenly sees_ MISS TROTTER _and_ CULCHARD _with their backs to him_.) Hal--lo, this _is_ luck! I must go to the rescue, or that beggar Culchard will bore her to death in no time. (_To_ GUIDE.) Here, hold on a minute. (_Crosses to_ CULCHARD, _followed by_ GUIDE.) How d' ye do, Miss Trotter? Doing the Wild Wiertz Show, I see. Ah, Culchard, why didn't you tell me you were going--might have gone together. I say, I've got a guide here.
CULCH. (_drily_). So we perceive--a very sensible plan, no doubt, in some cases, my dear fellow.
PODB. (_to_ MISS T.). Do come and listen to him, most intelligent chap--great fun. Mr. Culchard is above that sort of thing, I dare say.
GUIDE. Your vriendts laike to choin, yais? Same for tree as for von. I exblain all de beecture.
MISS T. You're vurry obliging, Mr. Podbury, but your friend is explaining it all just splendidly.
PODB. (_piqued_). Perhaps I had better dismiss my chap, and take on Mr. Culchard too?
MISS T. No, I'd just hate to have you do that. Keep on going round. You mustn't mind us, indeed!
PODB. Oh, if you'd rather! (_Gloomily, to_ GUIDE.) They can do without _us_. Just show me something more in the blood-and-thunder line--no, at the other end of the room. [_They withdraw._
GUIDE. Hier is von dat is vary amusant. You know de schtory of de Tree Vishes, eh?
PODB. _Macbeth_, eh? oh, I see--_Wishes_! No, what was that?
GUIDE. I dell it you. (_He tells it_; PODBURY _falls into gloomy abstraction_.) ... And inschdantly she vind a grade pig soasage at de end of her noâse. So de ole voman----
PODB. (_wearily_). Oh, I've heard all _that_. What's this one about?
GUIDE. Dis is galled "De lasht Gannon." You see de vigure of Ceevilization flodderin up viz de vings, vile Brogress preaks asonder de lasht gon, and in a gorner a Genius purns de vrontier bosts.
PODB. (_captiously_). What's he doing _that_ for?
GUIDE. I ton't know. I subbose begause dey are bosts, or (_dubiously_) begause he is a Genius.
CULCH. (_touching_ PODBURY'S _arm as he goes out_). Oh--er--Podbury, I'm off. Going to lunch somewhere with the--ah--Trotters. See you at _table d'hôte_ this evening, I suppose? Good-bye.