Having thus dispatched my foe, I returned to my own quarters to study the papers of the MEEBHOY.
As I entered my room a terrible sight met my eyes.
[ALBERT TROTT, in the latest representative cricket match between Mr. STODDART'S Eleven and All Australia, scored two "not out" innings of 38 and 72, and took eight wickets for 43 runs.]
GIFFEN'S boys were this time, we may say without banter, Eleven too many for stout "STODDART'S Lot"; We oft read of matches as "won in a canter," But this one was won, it would seem, by A. TROTT.
_Cabby._ "'ERE, I SAY! ONLY A BOB? WOT'S THIS?"
_Footman._ "WHY, YOU 'AVEN'T DROVE THE YOUNG LADY ACROSS THE SQUARE!"
_Cabby._ "THAT MAY BE. BUT IF 'A MISS IS AS GOOD AS A MILE,' SHE'S EQUAL TO THREE MILES, AND OUGHT TO PAY MORE THAN DOUBLE FARE!"]
DEAREST GLADYS,--I have been compiling a sort of dictionary for you, with a view to your second season. I send you a few selections from it--with notes of advice.
_Art._ A subject of discussion; mild at tea-time, often heated after dinner. [_Note._--Do not take sides. Mention that WHISTLER has a picture in the Luxembourg, or say--with a smile or not, as the occasion may suggest--that Sir FREDERIC is the President of the Academy.]
_Altruism._ Boring some people about other people. [_Note._--Never encourage VIEWS. They take up too much valuable time.]
_Boy._ If "dear," any effective man under forty. If "horrid," about twelve, and to be propitiated with nuts, knives and ships. [_Note._--Do not offend him.]
_Blasphemy._ Any discussion on religion. [_Note._--Look shocked, but not bored.]
_Coquetry._ A manner sometimes assumed by elderly ladies and very young gentlemen.
_Duty._ Referred to by relations who wish to be disagreeable. [_Note._--Change the subject.]
_Divorce._ The occasional result of friendship. [_Note._--But you must not know anything about it. Read only the leading articles.]
_Flirtation._ Once a favourite amusement, now dying out; but still surviving at Clapham tennis-parties and Kensington subscription balls.
_Foreigners._ Often decorative; generally dangerous.
_Friendship._ The mutual dislike of people on intimate terms. Or, a euphuism for love.
_Failure._ An entertainment to which one has not been invited.