He “hammered” on the door; was answered by a girl who wore a white “sash,” and asked if he could get a “square” meal. He “saw” that the place was “plane” but clean, and “planking” himself down to the table, he “braced” his legs beneath the chair, and “bit” into a Parker “House” roll. His “nails” were rather dirty, but he met the “stairs” of those about him with a “level” glance. After “bolting” his food, he “shingled” off a dollar bill, paid the girl, opining that it was a good place to “board.”
_The tenants who formerly lived on the floor above said that our baby balled them out._
Maybelle (coquettishly)—You tickle me, Duke.
The Duke—My word, what a strange request!
Have you ever After an evening Of anticipation Finally arrived At the crucial moment And with a Depth breath Taken the.... Initial step Aeons later A small voice Somewhere is Heard to say “Don’t” While two arms About one’s neck Refute the argument.
Restaurant patron—Have you any whale, waiter?
Then give me a T bone steak. God knows I asked for fish.
=_Lou Z. Lizzie_=—I quite agree with you. A man who gives you his diamond ring to look at and then wants it back is no gentleman.
=_Mary Ellen Slapapple_=—The fact that your sweetheart gave you two black eyes is striking proof of his affection.
=_Howsh E. Shaykes_=—A change of pasture is good for the bull, you know, old dear.
=_Hittem Formy_=—Don’t run your legs off after a woman; you’ll need them to kick yourself.
True lovers never say good night until morning.
Clerk (at Employment Bureau)—“Someone has sent for a yardman, sir.”
Manager—“We haven’t any yardmen at present.”
Clerk—“Then shall I send up three footmen, sir?”
Three prospective brides were in conference, Madge, Mary and Martha.
Madge—I am to marry a lawyer with fine practice. We are building a beautiful home.
Mary—My future husband is a banker and we will have a summer home, a maid and a car.
Martha—Well, girls, if you must know, I am to marry a barber.
“What on earth are you going to marry a barber for?” gasped Madge and Mary.
Martha—Because any time a barber isn’t kissing you he is talking about it.
_A timid bachelor recently walked into a dance hall by mistake, and thought he was in a ladies’ dressing room._
Jack—You certainly disgraced me at the banquet last night when you got drunk.
