The funniest thing I ever saw was a cross-eyed woman telling her hump-backed husband to walk straight home.
Mrs. Murphy asked for a nut cracker and her husband gave her a beer bottle.
I should worry, I should care I should marry a millionaire. If he should die, I should cry, I should marry my regular guy.
A little song entitled, “OIL BY MYSELF” By John D.
She’s a wonderful girl. She can keep a secret in four different languages.
There is no difference between me and the prohibition agent. We’re both after the same thing.
The moral of a dog’s tail is that it invariably points to the past.
We have a terrible lot to be thankful for, Now prohibition’s here, They’ve taken away our whisky, wines and lager beer, They’ll take away our tobacco next, Along with the demon rum, We’ll have a deuce of a lot to be thankful for, If they leave us chewing gum.
A Jewish sergeant at Camp Lee in 1918 was explaining to a rookie the command, mark time, in the following manner: “Foist you raise yer right foot six inches in de air and then bring the left foot alongside the right one.”
“Lovely day, don’t you think,” said the man as he hit his thumb with the hammer.
Two Swedes went to Ireland To kiss the blarney stone, But they couldn’t catch their lutefisk Where the River Shannon flows.
Willie, your face has changed quite a bit.
A change of wives ofttimes improves one’s disposition.
“Oh, that’s all right; you ought to see mine.”
After Theophile returned to the city he wrote to Farmer Si Hopkins concerning a question which has been puzzling him for some time.
“Why,” he inscribed, “do you lock up that donkey of yours so carefully every night?”
In due course of time came Farmer Hopkins’ reply. “Because it is too good an *.”
Hiawatha skinned the squirrel, Just sat down and went and skinned it; Went and skinned it to a finish, From its skin he made some mittens. Made them with the outside inside, Made them with the inside outside, Made them with the fur side inside, Made them with the skin side outside, Made them with the warm side inside, Made them with the cold side outside. Had he placed the fur side outside, Had he placed the skin side inside, Had he placed the outside inside, And the inside inside Then the warm side would have been outside, And the cold side inside, So to get the fur side, warm side inside, Placed the skin side, inside, outside. Now you know why Hiawatha placed the outside, fur side, warm side, inside, and the inside, skin side, cold side, outside.
