"From my youth up," he continued, "I have never wavered in the conviction, that of all known preserves, strawberry-jam is both the best, and the most sustaining. I should disgrace myself if I were now, at the eleventh hour, to declare a preference which I do not honestly feel for gooseberry or raspberry."
This, of course, settled the matter. Mr. TUFFAN declared emphatically against the obnoxious strawberry; and the result was that the Association, by an enormous majority, decided to support him. The Liberals were at first much discouraged, but they have now taken heart again. One of their Canvassers, it seems, has succeeded in making himself a _persona grata_ to a lady who occupies the position of under-housemaid in the establishment of the TUFFANS. Through her he obtained an empty pot of strawberry-jam, lately consumed by the TUFFAN family. This has been fixed upon a long pole, with a placard underneath it, to the following effect:--
VOTE FOR PLEDGER, AND HONEST CONVICTIONS!
And the device is now being carried all over the Town by the Junior Liberal Association.
The polling takes place to-morrow. Both sides are confident, but, on the whole, after reviewing all the circumstances of the case as impartially as possible, taking into account everything that tells for or against both parties, and not forgetting the effect produced by the public secession of Mr. HONEYDEW, the tobacconist, and Ex-President of the Liberal 500, I am disposed to believe in the victory of Mr. PLEDGER; that is to say, unless Mr. TUFFAN should manage to secure a sufficient number of votes to defeat his opponent.
To the Electors of the United Kingdom! I, PUNCH, who shoot at follies, and have wing'd 'em For fifty years, and shall for fifty more, Greet ye! It were to force an open door To ask ye one and all, to give your votes To ME! There, there, my boys! don't strain your throats! My tympanum is tender. _Punch_ rejoices To listen once more to "your most sweet voices," Only you need not howl and make them raucous. I'm not a Party Nominee, no Caucus Has wire-pulled Me! I'd like to see 'em do so! I am _Man Friday_ to no party _Crusoe_, SALISBURY, GLADSTONE, BALFOUR, HARCOURT, GOSCHEN, Are all on my Committee. MORLEY's notion (Shared for the nonce by JOE the shrewd and able), Is, that it's safe to sit at _my_ Round Table, Where they all hob-a-nob as friends, not foes! E'en the MACULLUM MORE cocks not his nose Too high in _Punch's_ presence; he knows better! Supremacy unchallenged is a fetter E'en to patrician pride, provincial vanity; Scot modesty, and Birmingham urbanity, Bow at my shrine, because they can't resist. Thus I'm the only genuine Unionist, While all the same, my British Public _you_'ll err, If you conceive I'm not a firm Home-Ruler. Perpend! There's sense and truth in my suggestions, And therefore, do not ask superfluous questions. You might as fitly paint Dame Venus freckled, As fancy _Punch_ will stoop to being "heckled." I have no "Programmes," I. My wit's too wide To a wire-puller's "platform" to be tied. I know what's right, I mean to see it done, And for the rest good-tempered chaff and fun Are my pet "principles"--till fools grow rash From toleration, _then_ they feel the lash. I am a sage, and not a prig or pump, Therefore I never canvas, spout or stump, I'm Liberal--as the sunlight--of all Good, Which to Conserve I strive--that's understood, But Tory nincompoop, or rowdy Rad, The thrall of bigotry, the fool of fad I hate alike. There's the straight tip, my bloaters! Now run and vote for _Punch_--all who are voters; And if some few have not that boon indeed, Well those who cannot run at least can _read_. There! that's enough, my lads! I'm off to lunch, You, go and do your duty; plump for PUNCH!!!