She had no wish to do anything tragic, to make any scene or scandal. Only she felt that she _could_ not go back to her husband’s welcoming smile. It was not the insult to herself, although that drenched her cheek with purple; it was the new horror that had arisen between them as if a toad were seated in his heart. Gerard’s wickedness of loose living was not as bad as this. Oh, men were horrible, horrible!
Something moved on the white ground in front of her, so close that she could not but notice it. A red-breast, half frozen, hopped near in a flutter of perky contemplation, wondering, perhaps, if she was alive. She pitied the poor little forsaken creature, and felt in her pocket, with a sudden movement that scared him, for some morsel of bread which she knew could not possibly be there.
And as she sat, hopelessly waiting, she could not tell for what, the distant boom of the village clock came faintly trembling towards her in one long stroke, the half-hour.
Half-past--what? Previous warnings must have reached her unheard. She looked at her watch. Half-past twelve. And at noon little Otto would have cried out for her, dependent upon his mother for the very flow of his life.
She started to her feet, and commenced running as best she could among the trees. Constantly she stumbled in her haste; once she fell prone into a yielding snowdrift. She hurried on breathlessly--a clearing showed her the house; she rejoiced to see it. How long the time still seemed till she had reached the step! In the hall her husband crossed her path. She shrank aside: the wailing of the child, above the nurse’s vain attempts at hushing, already fell upon her ear.
Otto remarked with astonishment the condition she was in, but he said nothing. Gerard’s voice could be heard in the distance, amid the clash of billiard balls. He was teaching Harriet to play.
“Go,” said Ursula, roughly, to the nurse. She flung to the door of the nursery, and, violently, locked it. Then she took the screaming child to her breast. Her teeth were firm set; her whole face was hard and rigid, but her eyes were very tender.
Half an hour later she went down to lunch. Her guests were talking and laughing. Otto came forward immediately to speak about the afternoon’s arrangements. The Van Trossarts must be fetched from the station. The Dowager beckoned her aside.