It had its full effect at the Cardinal’s dinner, where there were a number of visitors that day. As we were in the middle of the dog-days, the extreme heat of the weather was very favorable to my trick. Mr. Nicola was in waiting in the parlour with the other officers. I soon remarked by his distortions that he felt a great itching in a part of his body where through respect he dared not put his hand. He knew not how to keep his countenance, and unfortunately, the more he shrugged himself about the more he increased the pain. As he was naturally as hairy as a bear, the powder stuck in his hair and flesh, and twitched him like the points of a thousand needles. This was not all, for the Cardinal having some orders to give him, called him, and whilst in the act of whispering to him, his Eminence was obliged to stop his nose all at once, saying: “What on earth have you about you, that you smell so strong of rosin and frankincense?” The Secretary coloured at these words, and stood farther off from his master, who, perceiving that almost all my comrades, whom the Chamberlain had let into the secret, were whispering and laughing among themselves, began to suspect that I had been at my tricks again. As I stood very near to him looking very demurely all the while; “Guzman,” said he, “what is the fun now that seems to cause so much tittering?” “I know not indeed,” answered I, “unless it be on account of our Secretary’s having taken a laxative draught composed of turpentine this morning.” The Cardinal laughed most heartily, and the whole table followed his example. Nicola now began to see through the business, and not being any longer able to endure the jeers and laughters with which the dining parlour resounded at his expence, took to his heels with a precipitation which redoubled the pleasure of the company. After he had left the room, the Cardinal, impatient to know what was really the matter, addressed himself to the Chamberlain, who concealed nothing from him. This adventure established my reputation in the palace as a most formidable character.
After having been banished two months from the chamber of the pages, I was at length recalled and re-established in my former post, the duties of which I resumed with as much effrontery as if nothing had happened. This brought to my mind a fable which you have doubtless heard, of the Air, the Water, and Shame, who having kept company together for some time, and being at length obliged to part, were desirous to know where they should see each other again. Quoth the Air, “you will always find me on the top of mountains;” “and I, without fail,” said the Water, “may always be found in the bowels of the earth.” “As for me,” said Shame sighing, “if I am once parted with, it is impossible to meet with me again.” Nothing can be more true: in my own case I felt it, for I was now no longer susceptible of shame at the commission of a bad action; the only shame I felt was in being detected. In short, I was so naturally disposed to knavery, that I really believe I would have thrown myself headlong from the top of the Castle of St. Angelo, if I saw any thing at the bottom worth stealing.