Kaiser. "'TAKE THY FACE HENCE ... I AM SICK AT HEART.'"
Kaiser. "Lay it on, my worthy professors--lay it on thick! I want every drop of it."
The Kaiser. "TO THE DAY----" Death. "----OF RECKONING!"
Kaiser. "IS ALL MY HIGH SEAS FLEET SAFELY LOCKED UP?"
Admiral von Tirpitz. "PRACTICALLY ALL, SIRE."
Kaiser. "THEN LET THE STARVATION OF ENGLAND BEGIN!"
German Bull. "I KNOW I'M MAKING A ROTTEN EXHIBITION OF MYSELF; BUT I SHALL TELL EVERYBODY I WAS GOADED INTO IT."
TURKEY. "Good! if only all those other Christian nations get at one another's throats, I may have a dog's chance yet."
Dame Europa. "You've always been the most troublesome boy in the school. Now go and consolidate yourself."
Turkey. "Please, ma'am, what does that mean?"
Dame Europa. "It means going into that corner--and stopping there!"
THE KAISER (_to Turkey, reassuringly_). "Leave everything to me. All you've got to do is to explode."
TURKEY. "Yes, I quite see that. But where shall _I_ be when it's all over?"
Kaiser. "I say, how are you going to explain away the surrender of your army corps in the Caucasus?"
Sultan of Turkey. "Nothing simpler. I shall say, 'Our gallant troops determined to embarrass the enemy's commissariat, and carried out their object with overwhelming success."
Kaiser. "Splendid! Couldn't have put it better myself."
Sultan. "My dear boy, we were in the business ages and ages before you were thought of."
Turkey. "I'm getting a bit fed up with this. I shall kick soon."
Austria. "Well, I was thinking of lying down."
German Sentry. "WHO GOES THERE?" Turk. "A FRIEND--CURSE YOU!"
Emperor of Austria. "NOW WHAT DO WE REALLY WANT TO SAY?"
Sultan of Turkey. "WELL, OF COURSE, WE COULDN'T SAY _THAT_; NOT ON HIS BIRTHDAY."
_Turkey._ "I'M GIVING UP THIS BED, WILLIAM. WON'T YOU TAKE MY PLACE?"
[Illustration: "'He's as willing as a Christian; strike me blind if he isn't,' said Sikes."
(_With apologies to the late Fred Barnard._)
All-Highest (_to certain Neutrals_). "ABOUT--TURN!" [They sit tight.]
Kaiser. "SHOULD YOU WANT SOME MORE FEATHERS, I KNOW A TWO-HEADED EAGLE"
Prince von Bülow (_to Italy_). "STOP, STOP, SIGNORA! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE _MESMERISED_--NOT _MOBILISED_!"
p69 A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK has been replaced with A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK