And the ponies—my pet little Grey, And Miss Slimlegs, and Giraffe, and Beauty: (But you know, love, they're all under size, And so don't pay a farthing of duty;) The coach-hacks, _but_ two hundred pounds: (We don't drive our own tits—_that's_ dear:) So I wish you the joys of the season— Merry Christmas and happy New Year!
And, oh dear! here's a note from your steward! He says your estate he's been round, And examined your books and your papers; And you can't pay a crown in the pound. There's writs out against you by scores; You're surrounded by tipstaves and bums; So I wish you, my love, a good Christmas! And a happy New Year—when it comes!
┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬──────────────┐ │ FEBRUARY. │ [1837.│ ├──┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────┴──────────────┤ │ │No more the farmer's dame shall rue │ │ │The slaughter of her poultry crew; │ │ │Compell'd, this month, to sign a truce │ │ │With turkey, donkey, pig, and goose, │ │ │The Cockney Sportsman grounds his arms, │ │ │And dicky birds are free from harms; │ │ │Percussion guns become a jest, │ │ │Put on their _caps_, and _go to rest_. │ ├──┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────┬──────────────┤ │D.│ =Great Events and Odd Matters.= │ _Prognosti- │ │ │ │ fications._ │ ├──┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────┼──────────────┤ │ 1│New River begun, 1608. Drunk _at a Temperance │ than │ │ │ meeting_ 1836. │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 2│_Candle_MAS DAY. Some _dark_ affair now brought to │ ☍ ♀ △ ♐ │ │ │ _light_. │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 3│BLAISE. "Farmers, look to your ricks!"—SWING. │ │ │ │ │ are dreamt │ │ 4│A _fair_ warms the bosom of Old Father Thames, │ │ │ │ 1814. │ │ │ │ │ of in our │ │ 5│ │ │ │ │[Illustration] │ philosophy, │ │ 6│ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 7│SHROVE TUES. A great _Fry_-day. Mrs. FRY │ ♀ ⚹ ♎ │ │ │ _pan_-egyrised. │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 8│ │ │ │ │ │ so are │ │ 9│[Illustration] │ │ │ │ │ there other │ │10│ │ │ │ │ │ aspects, │ │11│Sir Jeffery Dunstan. "No real _k_night." │ │ │ │ │ │ │12│1 SUNDAY IN LENT. _Corporal_ punishment promoted by│ ⊕ ♄ ♌ ♀ │ │ │ _General_ Fast. │ │ │ │ │ │ │13│ │ besides │ │ │ │ │ │14│VALENTINE. All Fools' Day. │ sideral │ │ │ │ │ │15│ │ ones, │ │ │ │ │ │16│ VALENTINE TO MISS MARTINEAU. │ that do │ │ │ │ │ │17│"Come, live with me, and be my love," │ marvellously │ │ │And we to all the world will prove │ │ │18│"That hill and valley, grove and field" │ influence │ │ │Are waste, if Nature's stores they yield; │ │ │19│While rustic joys and simple swains │ ♉☊♀ │ │ │Are nought compared to rich men's gains. │ │ │20│We'll demonstrate, to please the Tabbies, │ and affect │ │ │That none but boobies will have babbies, │ │ │21│And dose and diet all the nation, │ us. │ │ │To check the growing population. │ │ │22│Our virgin thoughts, as pure as "_vargis_," │ ♐ ♋ │ │ │Will ne'er increase the public charges; │ │ │23│So cease in frowns thy face to deck, │ The │ │ │Thy mind's the best _preventive check_. │ │ │24│ │configurations│ │ │[Illustration] │ │ │ │ [Illustration] │ │ │25│ │ of the │ │ │ │ │ │26│[Illustration] │constellations│ │ │ │ │ │27│ │ ♀ ♅ ⚹ ☿ │ │ │ │ do not │ │28│Hare-hunting ends. Cats'-skins rise. │ augur more │ └──┴───────────────────────────────────────────────────┴──────────────┘