"The time has been, my senses would have cool'd To hear a night-shriek; and my fell of hair Would at a dismal treatise rouse and stir, As life were in't."
And I could not even go into an unlighted room after nightfall without the most terrifying feelings of abject fear. There was not a night came during a certain period without bringing with it the most harrowing and dreadful forebodings of death before morning. I must in justice state that I was using some quinine at this time to break up a fever that was continually attacking me, and that I was then again using morphia by means of the hypodermic syringe (having been induced to adopt that mode by another person who was using it in the same way,--which I found to be much more injurious than taking it per mouth); nevertheless, it was still the opium habit, and it was that which induced the fever, and made necessary the quinine.
No tongue or pen will ever describe--mine shrinks from the attempt, and the imagination of another, without suffering it all, could scarcely conceive it possible--the depth of horror in which my life was plunged at this time; the days of humiliation and anguish, nights of terror and agony, through which I dragged my wretched being. But I am anticipating other and future parts of this narration. It is my intention to disclose, as I proceed, the effects of opium from the first dose, and commencement of the habit, till it reaches its ultimate and final effects, and to describe an attempt to renounce its use at the latter stage.
Still, I have thought it proper, even at this juncture, to give the reader to understand that the opium habit, from first to last, produces nothing but misery,--and that of a kind entirely without hope in this world. This I expect to prove in detail as I proceed.
DE QUINCEY'S LIFE RATHER THAN HIS WRITINGS THE BEST EVIDENCE OF THE EFFECT OF OPIUM UPON HIM.--DISAPPROVAL OF HIS MANNER OF TREATMENT OF THE SUBJECT IN HIS "CONFESSIONS."--FROM FIRST TO LAST THE EFFECT OF OPIUM IS TO PRODUCE UNHAPPINESS.--THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE EFFECT OF THE DRUG TAKEN HYPODERMICALLY AND OTHERWISE EXPLAINED.--THE VARIOUS EFFECTS OF OPIUM, STIMULATIVE AND NARCOTIC, DESCRIBED.--THE EFFECT OF MY FIRST DOSE AT BEGINNING OF HABIT.--REMARKS OF DE QUINCEY ON HIS FIRST DOSE.--MY OWN REMARKS AS TO FIRST DOSE.--DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OPIUM AND LIQUOR.--STIMULATION IS FOLLOWED BY COLLAPSE.--MELANCHOLY FROM BEGINNING.--NERVOUSNESS AND DISTRACTION OF THE INTELLECTUAL POWERS.--SLEEPLESSNESS.--DIFFERENT AND PECULIAR INFLUENCES OF THE DRUG DETAILED.--PRESSURE UPON THE BRAIN FROM EXCESSIVE USE OF OPIUM.--DISTRESS IN THE EPIGASTRIUM.--THE WORKING OF THE BRAIN IMPEDED.