“Oh,” sez she, “he's a red hedded devil, wot wurks in the _Buster_ offis, and aint a bit lik you. Ma likes him, and thinks he's orful steddy, and she aint frade to let me go eny place with him. He's mashed on me bad, and thinks I'm in luv with him, so he spends all his munney on me, and I jest go with him, cos he takes me to ennything wot cums along. It's fun ter see him, he's so green, and besides, he never fixes up eny, and I'm gettin most ashamed to be seen on the strete with him.”
[Illustration: THEN I HAWLED OFF MY FALSE MUSTASH ]
By this time I was feelin purty bad, but I maneged to keep up and make blieve I was feerful in love with her, and got her to promis never to go with Georgie agin. I had a bottel of perfume in my pocket, and jest 'fore we left the restyrant, I put sum on the gals handkercheefs, then I hawled off my false mustash, and soon Maria seen, I was her Georgie, and begun a cryin lik her hart wuld brak. I felt sorry for her, but I told her to dry up her eyes. I guess I must giv them the perfume out of the assyfitity bottel, cos, soon as she rubbed her face you never smelt such a overpourin smell in all your life, we had to keep em at arms length, all the way hum, and if we'd ben the Zar of Russher, and Queen Victoria, combined, the peeple wouldnt hav givin us more room on the side walk. I felt sorry for them, cos they cryed, and felt so bad, all the way home, and, if I coulder got close enuf to Maria, without bein smuthered I'd kissed and made it all up. Its a blessin that her ma and pa's got catarrh orful bad, or there mite be war in her house.
I'm goin to send her the follerin note in the morning, and next time I go to see her I'll fix up a littel, cos a fellow can't blame a girl for goin back on him if he don't think enuff of her to dress up neet:
Dear Maria: I was orful greeved by your conduct, but seein that you're sorry I'll forgive you for all. I'll call round in a week, wot'll give you time enuf to smell swete agin, if you're careful to wash often, give yourself lots of air, and keep plenty of carbollick acid and cloride of lime scattered round were you are.
ADVERTISES A ARTICKEL WOT WAS FOUND.--WIMMIN'S WAYS.-- CLAMED.--IN DURANSE VILE FOR STEELIN A SHALL.--HAPPY EXPLERNASHUN AND INTERESTIN TABLOW.