"Yes, sah, but whut bizness was it o' his'n? I wan't foolin' wid him."
"What did you say when he told you to move on?"
"Didn't say nothin'. Jis' sorter shuck my head, an' den he come er hittin' me wid dat stick. Dat ain't no way ter ack--no way ter do w'en er man is 'habin' hisse'f."
"You ain't ha'f as sorry ez I is, sah. Jis' look at dis yer lump on my head. I'd ruther not hab my vote counted den ter pay so dear fur it. Ef da hatter hit me to make my vote count w'y, den, I'd ruther they would fling it outen de box. Dat's er mighty cuis way ter do business. Crack er man's skull ter make his vote count. Doan't want no more votes counted in dis town."
A Pittsburgh doctor says he can diagnose ailments by examining a single hair of the patient. Two young men, as a joke, took him a hair from a bay horse. The doctor gravely wrote a prescription, and said his fee was $25, as the case was precarious. They were staggered, but paid the fee, and after they got out laughed all the way to the apothecary's. The latter took the prescription and read in amazement: "One bushel of oats, four quarts of water, stir well, and give three times a day, and turn the animal out to grass!" Then the jokers stopped laughing.
Undertakers are gravely opposed to cremation.--_Boston Gazette._ Are they in urn est?
A gentleman here who was "burglarized" about two years ago, reported his loss to the detectives and offered naturally to assist them in every way. At first he called frequently to ascertain if any news of the thieves had been obtained, but being met always with a negative his visits became infrequent and finally ceased. He had forgotten the matter altogether until recently, when he was called upon by one of the detectives, who stated:
"Certainly. We have discovered the thief."
"He died last week, confessing to the robbery."
CHOLLY--I say, Fweddie, what makes J. Wilkes Brutus take such long stweps? Do all actahs walk that way?
FWEDDIE--Yes. They acquiah that twagic stwide while traveling. They take two ties at one step, ye know.
He Is Not a Howling Success at Inside Decorating.
There were several little things I wanted done about the house this fall, and so the other week I engaged a colored man to come and work for a couple of days. It so happened that he came one morning before Mr. Bowser had left the house, and was greeted with: