ALWAYS say that if you can't have a rich husband yourself, the next best thing is to have your sisters marry well. It certainly is a blessing that Carrie and Hattie did so, for it seems to me that the more mining-stock Jim owns the poorer he is. He's always changing about, and half the time his last salary never gets paid at all. If it wasn't for Brother John and Brother George, I really don't know how we should live. I'm sure I should never have any good clothes or amusements. So when Brother George invited me to come to Europe, and wrote that Brother John would attend to everything for me, I just told Jim I couldn't get out of Leadville too quick.
It's a shame how the railroads fool you. I missed connections at Chicago, and when I got to Jersey City I had just half an hour to catch my steamer. There was Brother John with a cab, and he looked pretty well worked up, too.
"Sister Mary," he said, "you're late!"
"Twenty minutes is plenty," said I.
Well, we didn't say much to each other, and he no sooner had me and my trunks on the steamer when he had to get off it quick before they started.
I never was on a steamer before. Mother had told me that I was sure to be seasick, and that the best way to get round it was to take off all my clothes and go to bed for twenty-four hours; so I crawled into that mean little bunk, and pulled up the covers and stayed there. I wasn't seasick a bit, and I had nothing to do but think. All of a sudden something occurred to me.
"There, John never gave me my ticket, or my money, or anything!" I hadn't more than twenty dollars with me. "Well," I thought, "it can't be remedied now, so there's no use bothering about it."
Presently I heard a rattle at the doorknob. I'd locked the door, but I heard a key in the lock, and the door opened and a man poked his head in. He was a steward or something.
"How dare you come into my room?" I said. "Get out of here quick!"
"I come to get your ticket," he said. "Gif me your ticket, lady."
"I haven't any ticket," I told him.
"Vell," he said, "you look for him till I come back yet again."
By and by he came again and put his head in.
"Haf you your ticket found, lady?" he asked.
"I haven't found it," I told him, "and I'm not going to find it. I told you not to come into my room. I'm in bed, and I want to be let alone."
"But I must haf your ticket," he said. "If you haf him lost, you must look for him."
"I haven't lost any ticket," I told the man. "I haven't any ticket to lose."
"Vell," he said, "you find him when I come back yet once;" and he went away again.
After a while he came back.
"Haf you now your ticket found, lady?" he asked.
"I haven't any ticket," I told him. "I haven't found it, because I never had any ticket to lose. Do you understand now?"
He went away. Then I thought:
"The idea of that man daring to come into my room, and me abed! But what's the use of my lying abed, anyhow, when I'm not sick?"
So I got up, locked the door, dressed in my prettiest clothes, and put on my high-heeled shoes. Then I went up on deck and hunted around till I found the purser's room. I knocked, and he said:
"Come in!"
I went in. He looked at me.
"Please don't be cross," I said, "because I'm perfectly amiable. That horrid steward kept coming into my room and asking for my ticket. Now, I didn't lose my ticket, because I never had any ticket to lose. I never had any ticket, do you understand? I can't pay my passage, because I haven't any money, and you daren't throw me overboard. If you want to, you can just turn your old boat round and take me back to New York. I don't care if you do—I'm homesick, anyhow!"
He just looked at me. Then he asked me a lot of questions, and the captain came and asked me a lot of questions. After I went back to my room, the ship's doctor came and knocked on the door and asked if he could come in. He was quite respectful, and he asked me a lot more questions; and then they all let me alone. I wasn't seasick a minute, and I never had a better appetite. My, they had dandy meals on that boat! I never ate so much before or since. When I told her about it, Carrie said she didn't see how I could touch a thing, she'd have thought I should be too worried. I said I didn't see what sense there was in worrying and not enjoying good food.