[ADVERTISEMENT.]—We never admit puffs into our paper in any disguise or under any circumstances, for we are sure that "the man who would make" _a puff_ "would pick a pocket." It is a love for veracity alone that induces us to state, that MONSIEUR CHARLATAN'S TUSKOLATUM MYSTIFICATUM for renewing decayed TEETH is the most wonderful and surprisingly efficacious invention ever invented. How will those ancient maidens rejoice, who have only a colt's tooth in their heads, when they are told, that by sowing this panacea in their gums overnight, a fine crop of full-grown grinders will sprout up by the following morning! We speak from our own experience; and whereas, before we used this extraordinary invention, our great anxiety was how to get teeth for our food, the only matter that now troubles us is how to get food for our teeth.
ACCIDENTS.—We are happy to state that there is a great diminution in the number of accidents in the past week. Only 250 persons have been drowned by steam-boats; 320 women and children burnt to death by their clothes catching fire; 560 run over by omnibusses and cabs; 252 poisoned by taking oxalic acid instead of salts; 360 scalded to death by the bursting of steam-boilers; 200 blown to atoms by the explosion of powder-mills; and about 100—there or thereabouts—stabbed by drunken soldiers, off duty; all which evinces a great increase of vigilance, carefulness, and humanity, highly creditable to all parties concerned.
┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1836.] │ FEBRUARY. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │Look, Mrs. B——, what a crowd I see, │ │ │ And the bells they make such a clatter; │ │ │And the people run, and I hear a gun! │ │ │ Whatever can be the matter? │ │ │ │ │ │Mrs. C——, my dear, it's no good, I fear, │ │ │ For us honest women and our spouses, │ │ │For the people say, the King's going to-day, │ │ │ To open two _very bad houses_. │ ├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤ │ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │ │ D│ Signs. │ │ │ ├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤ │ 1│In │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 2│this │ "TRANSFER DAY." │ other │ │ │ │ │ │ │ 3│gay │As I was walking past the Bank, │ matters, │ │ │ │ (I know not why I stroll'd that way,) │ │ │ 4│month │I saw a lady tall and lank, │ ☽ ☍ │ │ │ │ With golden ringlets mix'd with grey; │ │ │ 5│I │And as she tripp'd, or strove to trip, │ ☋ ♅ ♑ ♎ ⚹ │ │ │ │ Adown the steps, so light and gay, │ │ │ 6│would │The greasy granite made her slip, │ so │ │ │ │ And down she fell on TRANSFER DAY. │ │ │ 7│not │ │ worthily │ │ │ │I rais'd her up with gallant air; │ │ │ 8│choose │ For I'm a Major on half-pay, │ stepped │ │ │ │Who only live to serve the fair, │ │ │ 9│to │ At any time, in any way: │ │ │ │ │And while she blush'd a purple hue, │ │ │10│walk │ Her eyes obliquely shot a ray, │ ♃ ☉ ♐ ♋ ♉ │ │ │ │Which seem'd to say, "You will not rue │ │ │11│the │ Your service on a TRANSFER DAY." │ into the │ │ │ │ │ │ │12│streets │And while the glance she threw at me │shoes of my │ │ │ │ Was thro' my heart a-making way; │ │ │13│in │I straight began a colloquy, │ │ │ │ │ And to myself I thus did say: │ │ │14│dancing │If tradesmen, when their bills they bring,│ │ │ │ │ Would be contented with _half-pay_; │ ♊ ☿ ⚹ │ │15│shoes │I'd soar aloft on freedom's wing, │ │ │ │ │ Nor care a rush for TRANSFER DAY. │ renowned │ │16│nor │ │ │ │ │ │But needy men the needful need; │ │ │17│would │ So, spite of ringlets golden grey, │ │ │ │ │And eyes that squint, I'll take the hint, │ ☍ ☿ │ │18│I │ Nor throw the lucky chance away. │ │ │ │ │Full soon I found—ah! pleasing sound!— │predecessor,│ │19│for │ With wealth she could my love repay; │ │ │ │ │No longer mute, I urg'd my suit, │ │ │20│the │ Upon that very TRANSFER DAY. │ │ │ │ │ │ ♀ ♂ ☿ │ │21│world │I leave untold our courtship fond:— │ │ │ │ │ I made her Mrs. Major Cox; │ the great │ │22│be │And in return for Hymen's _bond_, │ │ │ │ │ She kindly placed me in the _stocks_. │ FRANCIS │ │23│seen │Her heart is good, her temper mild; │ │ │ │ │ She rules with more than _sov'reign_ │ MOORE, │ │ │ │ sway; │ │ │24│to │Nor have I thought myself beguil'd, │ │ │ │ │ Or once regretted TRANSFER DAY. │ =Defunct=, │ │25│trip │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │26│along │ │ │ │ │ │ │ ♊ ☌ ⊕ ♓ │ │27│in │ │ │ │ │ │ │which shoes,│ │28│light │ │ │ │ │ │ │by-the-bye, │ │29│nankeen. │ │ │ └──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘