PRETTYMAN. Why wilt thou, BANKS, with me dispute the prize? Who is not cheated when a Parson lies? Since pious Christians, ev'ry Sabbath-day, Must needs believe whate'er the Clergy say! In spite of all you Laity can do, 15 One lie from us is more than ten from you!
BANKS. O witless lout! in lies that touch the state, We, Country Gentlemen, have far more weight; Fiction from us the public still must gull: They think we're honest, as they know we're dull! 20
PRETTYMAN. In yon Cathedral I a Prebend boast, The maiden bounty of our gracious host! Its yearly profits I to thee resign, If PITT pronounce not that the palm is mine!
BANKS. A Borough mine, a pledge far dearer sure, 25 Which in St Stephen's gives a seat secure! If PITT to PRETTYMAN the prize decree, Henceforth CORFE-CASTLE shall belong to thee!
PITT. Begin the strain--while in our easy chairs We loll, forgetful of all public cares! 30 Begin the strain--nor shall I deem my time Mispent, in hearing a debate in ryhme!
PRETTYMAN. Father of lies! By whom in EDEN's shade Mankind's first parents were to sin betray'd; Lo! on this altar, which to thee I raise, 35 Twelve BIBLES, bound in red Morocco, blaze.
BANKS. Blest powers of falsehood, at whose shrine I bend, Still may success your votary's lies attend! What prouder victims can your altars boast, Than honours stain'd, and fame for ever lost? 40
PRETTYMAN. How smooth, persuasive, plausible, and glib, From holy lips is dropp'd the specious fib! Which whisper'd slily, in its dark career Assails with art the unsuspecting ear.
BANKS. How clear, convincing, eloquent, and bold, 45 The bare-fac'd lie, with manly courage told! Which, spoke in public, falls with greater force, And heard by hundreds, is believ'd of course.
PRETTYMAN. Search through each office for the basest tool Rear'd in JACK ROBINSONS's abandon'd school; 50 ROSE, beyond all the sons of dulness, dull, Whose legs are scarcely thicker than his scull; Not ROSE, from all restraints of conscience free, In double-dealing is a match for me.
BANKS. Step from St. Stephen's up to Leadenhall, 55 Where Europe's crimes appear no crimes at all; Not Major SCOTT, with bright pagodas paid, That wholesale dealer in the lying trade; Not he, howe'er important his design, Can lie with impudence surpassing mine. 60