"The day seems a long way off, holy Mother."
"It seemed a long way off, dear, to the holy Jacob, the very day before the waggons arrived to carry him down to his son Joseph. Yet it was very near, Helena."
I listened with respect, of course: but I could not see what that had to do with me. The waggons were not coming for me--that one thing was certain.
"Wilt thou be here for the coronation, my child?"
"I shall be where Guy is," I said shortly. "But--O holy Mother, she might have spared him that!"
Lady Judith's look was very pitiful. Yet she said--
Why, of course she might, if she would. What was to hinder her? But I did not say so, for it would have been discourteous.
Even between me and my dear old Lady Judith there seemed a miserable constraint. Was it any marvel? I rose to go. Almost noiselessly the door opened, and before I could exclaim or escape, Sybil stood before me.
"And wert thou going without any farewell--me,--little sister, Helena?"
"I ask your Grace's pardon. We are not sisters _now_."
She turned aside, and covered her face with her hands.
"O Lynette! thou makest it so hard, so hard!"
"So hard?" said I coldly. "I hope I do. If your heart had not been harder than the nether millstone, Lady Sybil, you would never, never have required our presence at your coronation. God give you what you deserve!"
"That is a terrible prayer, in general," she said, turning and meeting my eyes. "And yet, Lynette, in this one thing, I dare to echo it. Ay, God render unto me what I deserve!"
Lady Judith kissed me, and I went away. I believe Sybil would have kissed me too, but I would not have it from her.
It was easy, after that, to say farewell to the rest.
"I wish I were going too!" growled Amaury.
Then why does he not? He might if he chose. Just like Amaury!
"Farewell, dear," said Eschine. "I shall miss thee, Elaine."
So we go forth. Driven out of our Paradise, like Adam and Eva. But the flaming sword is held by no angel of God.
I always thought it such a dreadful thing, that our first parents should be driven out of Paradise. Why could not God have let them stay? It was not as if He had wanted it for the angels. If He had meant to use it for any thing, it would be on the earth now.
I cannot understand! Oh, why, why, _why_ are all these terrible things?