Dispising fortune iz not a sure way tew gain her favors,--pipe to her, and she may dance to you.
Take all the _interest_ out ov this world, and there wouldn't be _friendship_ enuff left for seed.
Sekrets are a burden, and that iz one reason why we are anxious to hav sumboddy help us carry them.
I hav seen men so full ov vanity, that they could not endure the sight ov a peacock, with his tale on parade.
The most excruciating bore I know is excessive politeness.
If I was called upon tew describe Eloquence, I should do it az I would a suit ov clothes,--'_ov suitable texture and a perfect fit_.'
Gravity iz no more an evidence ov wisdom, than it iz ov ill natur.
The greater the man, the less hiz virteus appear, and the larger hiz faults.
The man who hain't got an enemy, iz really poor.
Don't mistake _vivacity_ for _wit_, thare iz just az mutch diffrence as thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug.
No man ever yet undertook tew alter his natur by substituting sum invenshun ov his own, but what made a botch job ov it.
Religion in theze days, iz compozed ov vanity, and piety, and each man and woman iz a better judge ov the proportion than I am.
Lovers feed upon mysteries, but after they are married, and the pork and beans are brought on, they hav a fair chance tew test the real qualitys ov their appetights.
An insult tew one man iz an insult tew all, for it may be our turn next.
I don't kno ov enny thing that would use the whole ov us up more thoroughly, than tew hev all ov our wishes gratified.
Thare iz 2 kinds ov obstinacy, obstinacy in the right, and obstinacy in the wrong, one iz the strength ov a grate mind, and the other iz the strength ov a little one.
Lazyness iz like mollassis, sweet and sticky.
I think a bear in hiz claws, iz prefarable tew one with gloves on.
I kant tell now which I admire least, an old coquett, or a young prude.
Misanthropy don't pay--thare aint no man living whoze hate the world cares one cuss for.
Rash men ken be korrekted, but it dont pay to labour with a phool.
The man who haz never enjoyed the plezzure ov being forgiven, haz missed one ov the greatest luxurys ov life.
I hav seen coquettry, that had no more malice in it, than a ewe lamb, frisking on the green.