If we take all the hard sledding ov this life, and make it four times az mutch, it wont amount tew the affliktions that men pile on to each other.
I think evry man and woman on earth, ought tew wear on their hat-band theze words, in large letters: "Lead us not into temtashun."
I never knew ennyboddy yet to git stung by hornets, who kept away from whare they waz--it iz jist so with bad-luck.
Blessed iz he who haz got a good wife and knows how to sail her.
The true definition ov a luxury iz sumthing that another feller haint got the stamps to buy.
Blessed iz he who alwus carrys a big stone in hiz hand but never heaves her.
Pissmires on the level, are only insignificent, but when they git up on end and begin tew strut on 2 legs they are permanantly ridiklous.
I never read the comick papers, dear Jesse, enny more than I would eat rye-bread when I am away from home.
Yu kan judge ov a mans religion very well by hearing him talk, but yu kant judge ov hiz piety by what he sez, enny more than yu kan judge ov hiz amount ov linnen by the stick out ov hiz collar and waistbands.
A _poor, but dishonest cuss_ iz about az low down az enny man kan git, unless he drinks whiskee too.
Error will slip thru a crack, while truth will git stuck in a doorway.
The man who haz just found out he kant afford tew burn green wood haz taken hiz fust lesson in ekonemy.
Thare iz only one thing that kan beat truth, and that iz he who alwus speaks it.
It iz hard work, at fust sight, tew see the wisdum ov a rattle snaik bite, but thare iz thousands ov folks who never think ov their sins untill they are bit bi a rattle snaik.
Thare iz a grate deal ov human natur in a krab, if yu don't pick them up in the right way, yu will diskover it.
I think now, if i had all the money that iz due me, i would invest it in a saw mill, and then "let her rip."
Take the humbugg out ov this world, and yu wont hav mutch left tew do bizzness with.
When we say, "such a man haz bowels ov mercy," do we mean tew be understood that he iz a light eater?
Faith and curiosity are the gin cocktails ov suckcess.
Advertising iz sed tew be a certain means of success; sum folks are so impressed with this truth, that it sticks out ov their tombstun.
Thare iz this diffrence between ignorance and error; ignorance iz stone blind, and error iz near-sighted; ignorance stands still and error only moves to run agin a post.