"If I should kiss you I suppose you'd go and tell your mother."
"I haven't the slightest idea. We met in the street, and we were talking just as friendly as could be, when all of a sudden he flared up and tried to kick me."
"Oh, just ordinary small talk. I remember he said, 'I always kiss my wife three or four times every day.'"
"I said, 'I know at least a dozen men who do the same,' and then he had a fit."
There was an old maiden from Fife, Who had never been kissed in her life; Along came a cat; And she said, "I'll kiss that!" But the cat answered, "Not on your life!"
Here's to the red of the holly berry, And to its leaf so green; And here's to the lips that are just as red, And the fellow who's not so green.
There was a young sailor of Lyd, Who loved a fair Japanese kid; When it came to good-bye, They were eager but shy, So they put up a sunshade and--did.
There once was a maiden of Siam, Who said to her lover, young Kiam, "If you kiss me, of course You will have to use force, But God knows you're stronger than I am."
Lord! I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing.--_Swift_.
A physician was driving through a village when he saw a man amusing a crowd with the antics of his trick dog. The doctor pulled up and said: "My dear man, how do you manage to train your dog that way? I can't teach mine a single trick."
The man glanced up with a simple rustic look and replied: "Well, you see, it's this way; you have to know more'n the dog or you can't learn him nothin'."
With knowledge and love the world is made.--_Anatole France_.
HERR HAMMERSCHLEGEL (winding up the argument)--"I think you iss a stupid fool!"
MONSIEUR--"And I sink you a polite gentleman; but possible, is it, we both mistaken."--_Life_.
A farmer in great need of extra hands at haying time finally asked Si Warren, who was accounted the town fool, if he could help him out.
"I'll pay you what you're worth," answered the farmer.
Si scratched his head a minute, then answered decisively:
"I'll be _durned_ if I'll work for that!"
An English tourist was sightseeing in Ireland and the guide had pointed out the Devil's Gap, the Devil's Peak, and the Devil's Leap to him.
"Pat," he said, "the devil seems to have a great deal of property in this district!"