A man don't alwus grow wize az he grows old, but alwus grows old az he grows wize.
The biggest phool in this world haint bin born yet; thare iz plenty ov time yet.
A petted child iz like a bile that won't cum tew a hed.
Publik honours, in this country, are quite often like the pcock's tail, fust rate for a spread, but after they are shut up, the glory goes with the tail.
I had rather be a pot-bellied seed cowcumber, flung carelessly on a wood pile to ripen, than tew be an old bachelor.
Cannon balls--are the bulbous plants ov Liberty.
Thare iz no grater fun for me than tew prick a bladder--windy folks will please make a note ov this.
Contentment iz mere instinkt, reazon teaches us that thare ain't no sich thing, nor hadn't ought tew be enny sich thing, in this world.
About az good a way tew learn people az enny tew respekt yu, iz tew run over them; if yu let them run over yu they certainly won't.
I hope i shall never hav so mutch reputashun that i shan't feel obliged to be alwus civil.
Thare seems tew be this difference between an old widdower and an old bachelor; the widdower livs upon faith, and the bachelor on hope, and this ackounts for the widdower alwus beating the bachelor in a ring fight, for the hand ov beauty.
Marrying tew suit other folks iz the prudery ov politeness; i should az soon think ov begging pardon ov a thorn, for running aginst it.
An Englishman correkts hiz mistakes before he makes them; a Yankee afterwards.
Fashions are made for sum folks, and sum folks are made for fashion.
Thoze people who hav a grate deal ov perfekt propriety, i notiss, don't hav mutch ov enny thing else.
Tew enjoy a good reputashun, giv publickly, and steal privately.
I hav got a dredful poor opinyun ov all religious creeds; a man who depends upon a creed tew keep him pious, iz no better than he whom the penalty for stealing keeps out ov jail.
It is a good sign when praize makes a man behave better. Proverbs, are like arrows, they fly not only fast but straight.
Our wants, after awl, make most ov our happiness, when we hav got awl we want, then cums fear lest we loze what we hav got, and thus possession, fails tew be happiness.
Dangers are sum like a kold bath, very dangerous while you stand stripped on the bank, but often not only harmless, but invigorating, if you pitch into them.