A judge and a facetious lawyer conversing on the subject of the transmigration of souls, the judge said, "If you and I were turned into a horse and an ass, which of them would you prefer to be?"--"The ass, to be sure," replied the lawyer.--"Why?"--"Because," replied the lawyer, "I have heard of an ass being a judge, but of a horse, never."
In some cases counsel receive answers to questions which they had no business to put, and these, if not quite to their liking, are what they justly deserve. The following story of George Clarke, a celebrated negro minstrel, is a case in point. On one occasion, when being examined as a witness, he was severely interrogated by a lawyer. "You are in the minstrel business, I believe?" inquired the lawyer. "Yes, sir," was the reply. "Is not that rather a low calling?"--"I don't know but what it is, sir," replied the minstrel; "but it is so much better than my father's that I am rather proud of it." The lawyer fell into the trap. "What was your father's calling?" he inquired. "He was a lawyer," replied Clarke, in a tone that sent the whole Court into a roar of laughter as the discomfited lawyer sat down.
At the Durham Assizes an action was tried which turned out to have been brought by one neighbour against another for a trifling matter. The plaintiff was a deaf old lady, and after a pause the judge suggested that the counsel should get his client to compromise it, and to ask her what she would take to settle it. Very loudly counsel shouted out to his client: "His lordship wants to know what you will take?" She at once replied: "I thank his lordship kindly, and if it's no ill convenience to him, I'll take a little _warm ale_."
A tailor sent his bill to a lawyer, and a message to ask for payment. The lawyer bid the messenger tell his master that he was not running away, and was very busy at the time. The messenger returned and said he must have the money. The lawyer testily answered, "Did you tell your master that I was not running away?"--"Yes, I did, sir; but he bade me tell you that _he was_."
A well-known barrister at the criminal Bar, who prided himself upon his skill in cross-examining a witness, had an odd-looking witness upon whom to operate. "You say, sir, that the prisoner is a thief?"--"Yes, sir--'cause why, she confessed it."--"And you also swear she did some repairs for you subsequent to the confession?"--"I do, sir."--"Then," giving a knowing look at the Court, "we are to understand that you employ dishonest people to work for you, even after their rascalities are known?"--"Of course! How else could I get assistance from a lawyer?"--"Stand down!" shouted the man of law.