"Does your Excellency experience any internal symptoms of a volcanic character, for I perceive that the crater is working?" pointing to the Presidential olfactory, while the owner sneezed a fresh volley of ashes through it.
"It don't make any difference if I do," tartly responded ULYSSES, "but I tell you what it is, FISH, I'm going to build a little volcano under MOSE GRINNELL'S chair that'll 'hist' _somebody_ when it breaks out." Saying which he threw the late Collector's missive towards the piscatorial premier, and hurriedly left the room.
The above is a genuine narrative, collected from authoritative data, and may be relied upon when all other means of ascertaining the truth fail.
On the portico of the Mountain House, in the Catskills, Mr. PUNCHINELLO had the honor of being welcomed by Prof. AGASSIZ, Mr. P. had just arrived, and his valise was in his hand; but the Professor insisted on a little conversation with him.
"In spite of the crowds at these summer resorts," said this learned man, "one seldom meets with any one who takes an interest in science."
Mr. P. bowed, and mentally resolved to rub up his stock of polytechnology for the occasion.
"I am glad, Mr. PUNCHINELLO," continued the Professor, "that you have not neglected science in your excellent journal. You have had some admirable treatises on natural history. The country is your debtor, sir."
Mr. P. bowed again, and hoped, in his inmost heart, that the country would soon pay up.
"I must admit that I am disappointed here--in several ways. In the first place, I have not found a single glacier."
"No glaciers!" cried Mr. P., in surprise.
"No sir, not one, and I can find no sign of the Triassic period."
"Oh no!" said Mr. P. "Not now. That was several years ago, when GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN, COLORADO JEWETT, and DAN RICE's celebrated little donkey were here. They're all gone now."
The Professor looked up a little surprised at these remarks, but went on with his complaints. "And not a trace of cleavable pyroxene," said he.
"Pie rock!" said Mr. P. to himself. "I'm glad it isn't seen. Have these geologists got to that?"
"I hoped, too," continued the Professor, "to get a little scoria."
"Oh!" said Mr. P. "You wanted to run up a little score here. Well sir, I think, in your case, that might be done--in fact, I've no doubt of it."