I love tew see an old person joyfull, but not kickuptheheels-full.
A coquette in love iz just about az tame az a bottle ov ginger pop that haz stood sum time with the cork pulled out.
Human happiness iz like the Hottentott language, enny boddy kan talk it well enuff, but thare ain't but phew can understand it.
Gravity iz no more evidence of wisdom than a paper colar iz ov a shirt.
Whatever Providence haz given us the fakulty tew do, he haz given us the power tew do.
Thare iz a grate menny folks in this world who are like little flies; grate bores without meaning or knowing it.
Great iniquitys seem tew baptize themselfs. If the devil had only been guilty of petty larcency he wouldn't hav bin heard ov agin.
The hardest thing that enny man kan do iz tew fall down on the ice when it iz wet, and get up and praze the Lord.
How menny men thare is who argy, just as a bull dus, chained tew a post; they beller and paw, but they kant git away from the post.
I hav herd a grate deal ced about "_broken hartes_," and thare may be a fu ov them, but mi experiense is that nex tew the gizzard, the harte is the tuffest peace ov meat in the whole critter.
I hav finally kum tu the konklusion, that a good reliable sett ov bowels, iz wurth more tu a man, than enny quantity ov brains.
A man with one idee alwus put me in mind ov an old goose a tryin to hatch out a paving stun.
Thare iz just about az mutch real humor in the best ov geniuses az thare iz juise in a lemmon: one good squeeze takes it out, and thare iz nothing but seeds and skin left.
As in a game ov cards, so in the game ov life, we must play what is dealt tew us, and the glory consists, not so mutch in winning, as in playing a poor hand well.
If I was asked which was the best way, in these days ov temptashun, tew bring up a boy, i should say--bring him up the back way.
I hav known folks whose _calibre_ was very small, but whose _bore_ was very big.
If a man begins life bi being fust Lutenant in his familee, he never need to look for promoshun.
I never could cee any use in making wooden gods mail and femail.
Fust impreshuns are sed tew be lasting. Enny man who haz only been stung bi a hornet once will swear to this.
The safest way for most folks to do iz to do az the rest do. Thare aint but phew who kan navigate without a kompass.