Mi opinyun ov mankind, az a brilliant suckcess, needs a good deal ov nussing.

No church kan expekt tew be very suckcessful now days, unless it haz got a good orkestra in it.

The Complete Works of Josh Billings — Part 147

Hope iz a thoughtless jade--she often cheats us, but she haz no malace.

The Complete Works of Josh Billings — Part 147

When i waz yung i thought all money spent waz well invested, but az i get older i cypher different.

The Complete Works of Josh Billings — Part 147

God makes opportunitys, but man must hunt for them.

Invenshun and judgement are seldom found together.

Ambishun tew shine in everything iz a sure way tew put a man's kandell all out.

Man's make up iz ov natur and custom, and i don't kno which ov the two iz the most powerfullest.

A grate brag iz either a phool or a coward, and probably he iz both.

Az long az we are lucky we attribit it tew our smartness; our bad luck we giv the gods credit for.

Thare iz one person in this world that every boddy kan tell yu all about, and that iz the next door nabor.

Thare are people who love too well to ever be jealous.

I kno lots ov people who always think at least 3 times before they speak once, and then never say enny thing worth listening to.

It takes a certain amount ov back ground in a man's karakter tew sho hiz virtews to good advantage.

It iz better tew overshute the mark than tew fall short; this shows that the fault ain't in the amunishun.

Thare iz plenty ov individuals who, if they kan go up like a baloon, are willing tew cum down like a chunk.

A gentleman iz a gentleman the world over,--loafers differ.

BENEVOLENCE iz the cream that rizes on the milk ov human kindness.

COURAGE without discretion, iz a ram with horns on both ends, he will hav more fites on hand than he kan well attend to.

HUNTING after happiness, iz like hunting after a lost sheep in the wilderness, when yu find it, the chances are, that it iz a skeleton.

A DOG iz the only animal kritter, who luvs yu more than he luvs himself.

THARE iz no more real satisfackshun, in laying up in yure buzzum an injury than thare iz in stuffing a dead hornet, who haz stung you, and keeping him tew look at.

OLD friends, are like old cheeze, the strongest.

LIES are like illegitimate children, they are liable tew call a man "Father," when he least expekts it.

ALL money that iz well spent, iz a good investment.