I should not have cared if Amaury had said it. I know he despises women--I have noticed that brainless men always do--and I should not have expected any thing better. But I did not look for it from Guy. Several times in my life, dearly as I love him, Guy has rather disappointed me.
Why do people disappoint one in that way? Is it that one sets up too high a standard, and they fall short of it? I think I will ask Lady Judith what she thinks. She has lived long enough to know.
I found an opportunity for a chat with Lady Judith the very next day. We were busy broidering Lady Sybil's wedding-dress, the super-tunic of which is to be white baudekyn, diapered in gold, and broidered with deep red roses. She wears white, on account of being a widow. Lady Isabel will be in gold-coloured baudekyn, and my new sister Eschine in rose damask.
I have said nothing about Eschine, though she is here. It was because I had not any thing to say. Her eyes, hair, and complexion are of no colour in particular; she is not beautiful--nor ugly: she is not agreeable--nor disagreeable. She talks very little. I feel absolutely indifferent to her. I should think she would just do for Amaury.
Well!--we were broidering the tunic, Lady Judith doing the gold, and I the red; and Damoiselle Melisende had been with us, working the green leaves, but the Lady Queen sent for her, and she went away. So Lady Judith and I were left alone.
"Holy Mother," said I, "give me leave to ask you a question."
"Surely, my child," said she; "any one thou wilt."
"Then, holy Mother,--do people ever disappoint you? I mean, when you fancy you know a man, does he never surprise you by some action which you think unworthy of him, and which you would not have expected from him?"
Lady Judith's first answer was an amused smile.
"Who has been disappointing thee, Helena?"
"Oh, nobody in particular," said I hastily; for how could I accuse Guy? _Loyauté d'amour_ forbid! "But I mean in general."
"Generals are made of particulars, Helena. But I have not answered thy question. Yes, certainly I have known such a feeling."
"And, if it please you, holy Mother, what is the reason of it?" said I. "Does one set up one's standard of right, truth, and beauty, too high?"