As we walked Markovitch talked incessantly. It was only a very little the talk of a drunken man, scarcely disconnected at all, but every now and again running into sudden little wildnesses and extravagances. I cannot remember nearly all that he said. He came suddenly, as I expected him to do, to the subject of Semyonov.
"You know of course that Alexei Petrovitch is living with us now?"
"You can understand, Ivan Andreievitch, that when he came first and proposed it to me I was startled. I had other things--very serious things to think of just then. We weren't--we aren't--very happy at home just now... you know that... I didn't think he'd be very gay with us. I told him that. He said he didn't expect to be gay anywhere at this time, but that he was lonely in his flat all by himself, and he thought for a week or two he'd like company. He didn't expect it would be for very long. No.... He said he was expecting 'something to happen.' Something to himself, he said, that would alter his affairs. So, as it was only for a little time, well, it didn't seem to matter. Besides, he's a powerful man. He's difficult to resist--very difficult to resist...."
"Why have you given up your inventions, Nicolai Leontievitch?" I said to him, suddenly turning round upon him.
"My inventions?" he repeated, seeming very startled at that.
"No, no.... Understand, I have no more use for them. There are other things now to think about--more important things."
"But you were getting on with them so well?"
"No--not really. I was deceiving myself as I have often deceived myself before. Alexei showed me that. He told me that they were no good--"
"Yes--at first--only at first. Afterwards he saw into them more clearly; he changed his mind. I think he was only intending to be kind. A strange man... a strange man...."
"A very strange man. Don't you let him influence you, Nicholas Markovitch."
"Influence me? Do you think he does that?" He suddenly came close to me, catching my arm.
"I don't know. I haven't seen you often together."
"Perhaps he does... _Mojet bweet_... You may be right. I don't know--I don't know what I feel about him at all. Sometimes he seems to me very kind; sometimes I'm frightened of him, sometimes"--here he dropped his voice--"he makes me very angry, so angry that I lose control of myself--a despicable thing... a despicable thing... just as I used to feel about the old man to whom I was secretary. I nearly murdered him once. In the middle of the night I thought suddenly of his stomach, all round and white and shining. It was an irresistible temptation to plunge a knife into it. I was awake for hours thinking of it. Every man has such hours.... At the same time Alexei can be very kind."