No such thought aroused the prayer of Evaline. She prayed, not against what could not be averted, but for power to bear what God should dispense--not for the reduction of her burden, but for grace and strength to sustain it.
She was somewhat soothed when she arose from her knees. But the holy assurance which she derived from her prayer, though it nerved her for the moment, was not lasting, and quickly sank under her associations with the world. In time, she might be resigned--_that_ was her hope; but now--O God! who could bear it now?
If she did for a moment conjure up an assuasive reflection, the bitterness of blighted passion--as if, like a stranded sea, it had receded only to recruit its vigour--quickly rushed over her again, and bore down all opposition. What an afflictive and appalling spectacle did it present to her! Every hope washed away--every bright thought overthrown--every dream and prospect of happiness utterly obliterated!
And did she bear no animosity to the man who, whether directly or otherwise, she supposed to have brought her to this dreadful pass? Not so much as would weigh in the scale with a hair! She loved him, indeed, as dearly as ever--loved him beyond the grasp of expression--loved him with all the ardour, depth, and devotion of her nature.
If she could only weep--if she could only soothe her overcharged heart, in its bitter ecstacy, with a few tears--then, she thought, her misery would be assuaged. But her distress was so exquisite, that even this relief, wretched as it was, would not rise at her wish, and she had not so much as a tear to console her.
She thought herself perfectly resigned, but, paradoxical as it may sound, she was, in reality, nerved by despair. Beyond the pallor of her complexion, and the fixed stare of her eyes, she showed no outward sign of emotion; but within, where no eye could observe her, she was wrung to the soul. And what a glorious thing it was, now all was gone, to be able to brood over her sorrow unobserved! How grateful was it to her to be alone!--to sit and think, hour by hour, over her heart-rooted affliction, her crushed affections, and her indomitable but fatal attachment!
Several hours elapsed before she ventured to return to the family sitting-room. Ultimately, however, she did repair thither, and there joined Sir Edgar and Don Felix.