“Well, do as you like about it; either increase the margin or let it go. You didn’t follow my advice in the first place, but if you want to pull out, you’d better do it now.”
“Oh, I know,” the woman replied. “What’s the use of going all over it again?”
“Huh!” said the stout man’s companion. “Guess you lose. Been playing the market. Not much bride and groom talk in that.”
The rest of the passengers sniffed and then turned their backs on the new couple. Whereat the young man smiled at the young woman, and they softly joined hands as he whispered:
“Millicent, dear, my shoes are full of rice.”
A Short time ago an old lady went on board Nelson’s flag-ship, the _Victory_. The different objects of interest were duly shown her, and on reaching the spot where the great naval hero was wounded (which is marked by a raised brass plate), the officer remarked: “Here Nelson fell.” “And no wonder!” exclaimed the old lady; “I nearly fell there myself.”
A Good Samaritan, passing an apartment-house in the small hours of the morning, noticed a man leaning limply against the doorway.
With much difficulty he half dragged, half carried the drooping figure up the stairway to the second floor.
“What floor do you live on?” he asked. “Is this it?”
Rather than face an irate wife who might, perhaps, take him for a companion more at fault than her spouse, he opened the first door he came to and pushed the limp figure in.
The good Samaritan groped his way downstairs again. As he was passing through the vestibule he was able to make out the dim outlines of another man, apparently in worse condition than the first one.
“What’s the matter?” he asked. “Are you drunk, too?”
Stopping on the second floor, where this man also said he lived, he opened the door and pushed him in. As he again reached the front door he discerned the shadow of a third man, evidently worse off than either of the other two. He was about to approach him when the object of his solicitude lurched out into the street and threw himself into the arms of a passing policeman. “For Heaven’s sake, off’cer,” he gasped, “protect me from that man. He’s done nothin’ all night long but carry me upstairs ’n’ throw me down th’ elevator shaf’.”
Husband comes in to find his wife turning everything topsy-turvy.