Is it you I love dear? I can scarcely tell. When you smile your eyes, dear, Make me think of Nell. When you’re sad, your mouth, dear, Makes me think of Sue, But, dear, when I kiss you, I am sure it’s you.
’Twas down in the Lehigh Valley That me and my pal, Lou, Was workin’ in a hash house, An’ a pretty good one too.
It was there that I met Gonzola; She was the village belle, Now I was only a waiter, But I loved that gal like everything.
Then along come a city feller, A slick haired son of the idle, An’ stole my darling little Lou To slip on the marriage bridle.
So fill up the glasses, stranger, An’ I’ll be on my way; I’ll get the guy that stole my gal, If it takes till the judgment day.
A Jack Johnson burst over the shell hole into which Pat and Mike had crawled. “Oi’ve been shot in the foot,” said Pat. Mike immediately placed Pat on his shoulder and started for the hospital. On his way there another shell took off Pat’s head. Arriving at the first aid station, the sentry hailed Mike.
“No use bringing any dead men in here,” he said. “That fellow’s head has been shot off.”
“Why, the son-of-a-gun,” exclaimed Mike, “he told me it was his foot.”
Pat—“Well, Mike, I just saw a doctor about my loss of memory.”
=_Dear Breezy Bill_=—“What’s the tallest tree you ever have seen?”—=_Ella Mental._=
Up at Pequot we have a tree that is so big it takes two men to look at it; one man looks up at it as far as he can and the other man begins where the first left off.
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I often have heard that there are lots of cows that do not give milk during the summer. Is this true?—=_O. Shoot._=
Yes, in a way, but the next time anyone says such things you just tell them it’s “bull.”
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I am a girl fourteen years old and have a dog named Toddles. Should I let a boy of fifteen hug me?—=_Dot._=
No, go in the house, and take the dog in, too.
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I met a guy at a dance, he kissed me during the moonlight waltz. What shall I do?—=_Helen._=
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—Could you tell me when Cuba was discovered?—=_Hi Drant._=
=_Dear Captain Billy_=—I am a young man only seventeen years old. My mother says I shouldn’t play with any rough girls. What shall I do?—=_Percy._=